I’ve been on a lot of dates over the past few months and if I were just out there dating and not learning anything from it (or at least writing about my dates) I’d probably go crazy.
I’ve also chatted with many people about dating since starting this blog and the most popular aspect by far keeping most people away from dating is the inevitable rejection that comes along with it.
Rejection simply doesn’t bother me anymore, at least not as much as it used to and the following will explain why.
First things first if you are embarking on a journey of online dating you have to mentally replace the word “dating” with “meeting”. Online dating isn’t like normal dating where you go out on a date with Sally from your gym or Mike that you met though a friend – not even close.
You’re meeting SweetyGirl434 that you sent a couple messages back and forth with and maybe spoke on the phone with once or twice.
You have built this person up in your mind to be what you want, and they have done the same for you – this happens and is the “leading cause” of what we call dating rejection but there is far more to it. If you’ve read about my dates you’ll see how many times I met girls that looked nothing like their pictures so I rejected them, obviously, but that’s too easy, lets dig a little deeper.
I’ve also met ones that had great pictures and an even better write up, I anticipated their next email or text with outlandish enthusiasm because we got along so well – just to later meet her and deflate as fast as a punctured blimp. Zero chemistry “not my type”.
Your easy out is obviously when you don’t jive with the other person that does jive with you, this is when you get to be the schmuck – congrats, but this is a two street and you will get run over.
Here’s the run down:
They like you, you don’t like them – Easiest
You don’t like them, they also don’t like you – A little sting
You like them, they don’t like you – Stinger
Let’s deal with the stinger!
How could they not like me? We chatted about everything, we spoke on the phone for hours, I had 12 pictures up – what the hell is wrong!!! Nothing.
Lets wind back to the part how online dating is really just meeting random people from the internet – are we to assume that we are going to have an emotional connection with such a vast number of the random public?
Oh but you had 14 pictures up, a witty write up that took you 2 minutes to write and you both like traveling, reading, watching movies and hanging with friends.
You do realize that everyone likes those same things…..right?
Online dating is essentially akin to walking through a shopping mall and pulling any random member of the opposite sex that you find attractive into a coffee shop and sitting down – now think of the numbers involved to find one that’s going to be compatible, on both sides, to really work out.
For some it only takes attraction – but generally people are done basing relationships on that somewhere in their 20’s.
Online dating is also a huge marketplace filled with able singles, for some it only takes one off putting thing from you to send them back to their computer where they can meet someone else in a few clicks.
Online dating is far from perfect, but the “rejection” from it really isn’t true “rejection” like getting fired from your job or dumped from your long term significant other. People get rejected several times a day dealing with normal life things that we don’t even notice and online dating rejection shouldn’t be looked at any differently.