What I’ve learned after 18 dates

30s dating

Blog #22

Well that was fast.

In just around 3 months I’ve met 18 women and I’ve learned a few things that I will share.

First things first, no matter what is said online or over the phone doesn’t matter the second you lock eyes on one another in person.  At this point everything changes and you’re starting over at zero..

It’s usually not very long after this initial moment when you realize you’re in big trouble for chatting this person up on the dating site based off looks or some other lone attribute.  For men this is most likely the #1 thing to go wrong and make us lose interest, probably the same for women too.

It’s happened to me, a few times, so from this point forward I put more effort into who the woman actually is and why I might like her for a variety of reasons which will at least help me keep things moving intellectually.  One of the @30s_Dater Twitter followers said that you have 12 minutes to impress your date from the time you meet and I wholeheartedly agree with it.

My last date with a lawyer started off pretty slow and I did my best to rev things up to get me through those first 12 minutes and the date ended up going pretty well, so if you’re an active dater – keep the first 12 minutes in mind!

Another thing is to keep an eye on their online dialogue for hints of how they will act in person.  If they’re responding with mindless and boring replies then don’t expect that person to suddenly transform into the life of the party in person, far from it.

Further, the ones that are all over the map online and asking odd ball and weird things will be just like that in person, only amplified.  While I have never really moved on from a lady over one thing she said online, women can be bad for it, but you know what?  They’re probably just doing it from experience (and because they have 53432452345 other interested suitors messaging them).

One thing many active daters tell you not to do is engage in a lengthy build up process.  This is when you slide from messaging each other on the dating site, to texting and calling each other for weeks before meeting.  You will invest time (in some cases months) into a person you really know nothing about and very rarely does it hold together after meeting up, either mutually or worse – one of you doesn’t like the other.

My advice toward this is to find the happy medium.  Don’t spend every waking moment connected to this person of mutual interest, but stay engaged enough to keep it interesting before your planned date.

The flip side of this is messaging each other 3-4 times and then meeting.  I’ve done that a few times too and those dates were usually the worst ones, in the least make a serious effort to get the person on the phone before meeting.  The phone will tell you things about the other person that messaging and texting cannot touch and the information you’ll learn can be priceless.

Until next time!






2 thoughts on “What I’ve learned after 18 dates

  1. I should really do a “what I’ve learned so far” post. But I’m not sure what to make of the phone call part. How often do you try to talk on the phone first? I feel like that’s pretty rare for people to do before a first date nowadays.


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