First Dates: Bar vs Coffee

First date 30's dating

Yes, tell me all about your cat, again.

So you’ve met a wonderful person online and you’ve sent multiple messages back and forth.  You’ve exchanged phone numbers, texted each other and in most cases even called each other – now its time to meet.  Where do you go?

This is a more critical stage than you’d think in making that first date turn into a second and third date.  Further, if you can make it to a second date you’ve just significantly increased your chances of meeting many more times.

So how can you ensure that date #1 goes the best that it can?  By choosing the right date setting!

Coffee Date

I’ve been on many coffee dates and none of them went well or resembled anything remotely close to “fun”, and fun is what a first date needs to be.  Now don’t get me wrong, there may be an age bracket out there that prefers “meeting over coffee” on a first date, but this blog isn’t meant for your grandmother.  I’ll even go as far as saying that some of my failed coffee dates would have been better and turned into second dates had we simply chosen another venue rather than adding caffeine to an already jitter filled first date.

Sitting across a small table from someone that you don’t know much about is just bad news.  You need “fun filler” on a first date and this doesn’t exist on a coffee date – the only thing you’ll have to work with is the stranger you’re sitting across from and all too often this leads to boredom, awkward silences and “check please”.

By all means coffee dates can work and turn into second dates, but it’ll take more effort and luck than if you choose to do something else.

Bar setting

This may sound similar to the coffee date but it has one glowing benefit, alcohol.  Bars also sometimes offer activities you can do such as pool, video games or even darts.  None of these matter.  You don’t have to be good at them – the point is simply to get you away from staring at each other from across the table and up onto your feet and being active together.  Don’t go crazy with the drinks either, there is a common two drink rule for first dates which should probably be kept – especially if your wandering hands or sex drive instantly begins going up with your alcohol intake.  You only want to consume enough booze to intellectually loosen up, not…the other stuff.

A bar setting on a first date that involves an activity of some sort as well as a little booze can be fun even if your date isn’t, and isn’t dating supposed to be fun?








10 thoughts on “First Dates: Bar vs Coffee

  1. The great thing about a coffee date is that you can plan it for only 20 minutes. That way if it doesnt work out, you’re not there for a hour or so. AND,….if its going really well, of course you can stay longer and go to a bar afterwards. : )

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been on a few first date coffee dates with guys I met online myself. I agree it could be good for a quick date in case you don’t like the person. But it’s so awkward after maybe 30 minutes, realizing you don’t like the person, and telling them you gotta go!


    • Kiss of death for sure, I’ve never met a coffee date for a 2nd date. Daytime dates in general are a kiss of death, lunch etc. Dates are supposed to be at night and an opportunity for sex to happen – you’re gonna have to be one skilled mo-fo to do that at 1pm at Starbucks! hehe

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I don’t like coffee dates either, but when I posted about that on my blog once I was slammed by at least one comment that “coffee dates are NOT boring, you have to show you have shit to talk about” and was basically told that if I couldn’t hack it on a coffee date then trying to “hide” behind something fun wasn’t going to help either. Not at all what I was saying, but whatever. I should find the post and link it here.


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