The Build Up Date

texting before date

Usually after a bad date I just laugh it off but this one still has me a little uneasy.  This one clearly qualifies as one of the worst dates I’ve been on yet, simply because it involved one of the biggest dating no-no’s that there is.  And that was a lengthy build-up via text messages before actually meeting.

Allow me to explain..

She came from Match and was actually one of those profiles that pops up right after you have sent someone else a message

“If you like that one, you’ll like these profiles too”

She responded sometime later, we did the usual on-site back and forth before I moved it to texting to set up a date.

Simple, right?


She was also one that once a text was sent, you were stuck to your phone until she went to bed that night because she would respond within 30 seconds and continually ask more and more questions.  I even had to lie about “company arriving” while I was at my cottage just to end the text-madness from her so I could enjoy the peace and quiet.

A day or so after when we got into another text flurry I simply asked if she was free to talk on the phone – to which she said no.  She hated talking on the phone, but was free to text all night.

Why do you hate talking on the phone?  “After work I’d just rather text if that’s alright, I hope you don’t think I am a freak”


But she gradually got deeper and deeper with her conversation and I stupidly engaged.  Then she started calling me baby in nearly every message.  She told me how she was so delighted to meet me, how she didn’t think guys like I existed anymore and how she had told her sister and co-workers about me, even showing them my pictures.

She even asked me twice why I messaged her on the dating site in the first place?

Her pictures were hot, she was the right age, good job, car, sweet place – I didn’t see what the big deal was?  Yes I’d been out with hotter girls but that isn’t my priority – so I just told her what sounded good and we’d continue chatting away, via text messages.

Then came the date delays, which in total took 3 weeks to meet and the date being moved three times due to her silly work schedule – and continually she would text me all day and night, getting deeper as the days went on.  I even had to tell her “You know there is a chance this isn’t going to work in person after we meet” to which she agreed but now was in full on soul mate talk and the worst part was that I was starting to believe it and develop feelings for her.

I (actually we) anticipated the date and even counted down the hours.  I even arrived 45 minutes early so I’d be there first.

And she arrived.

I’ll say the bulk of her pictures were 5+ years old with one semi-recent picture that had been taken at a slick angle as to not show her true hip size, which was substantial.  From there we went into the coffee shop (where she actually paid for the drinks!) before we sat down to talk.  First thing, this girl was NOT who I thought I was chatting with over the previous two weeks and I am pretty sure I wasn’t the guy she thought she had been “talking” with either.

This was very awkward.

No more baby talk, no soul mate stuff – nothing.  Her texting vigor and openness had literally vanished and I was left with a bigger and older version of what I’d seen online – that talked about boring stuff.  In an attempt to rejuvenate things I suggested we go for a walk, which we did.

During texting the night before she told me how much she couldn’t wait to be hugged by me and that she would prefer some affection.  So during the walk I put my arm around her, and it was one of the most awkward things I’ve ever done.  I quickly pulled my arm back after a few seconds as it just felt so wrong and out of place.

We walked a few more blocks before turning back towards our cars, now I was pretty much just walking and not even saying anything – this date sucked.  We had originally planned on hitting a couple of bars and having drinks but in no way was that happening now, and this was also a Saturday – not a day I like to waste on shit like this.

Back at the cars she told me it was nice to meet me, “talk soon” (yeah, right) before I said goodbye and got out of there.

Never again will I knowingly enter myself into a build-up like that before a date again, what a let down.  It even stung as I hit delete on the 1000+ text messages from my phone.

Remember: Building expectations guarantees a bad first impression because they weren’t what you were expecting (and vice versa)




8 thoughts on “The Build Up Date

  1. Ugh. I totally agree. I try to meet men within a maximum of two weeks or I just stop messaging them. It never goes well when I have a clear picture in my head, so I prefer to meet before I have the chance to form one. Also, as a general rule, if you wouldn’t wear that outfit in the current weather, you need a new photo. They can never be more than 4 months old with that logic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Very good advice about the “clear picture” in your head, I think I am the exact same. I actually had a date earlier tonight with a girl I began chatting with the same time as this one here (even has the same name and occupation) but without the childish text message frequency and it was one of the BEST dates I’d ever been on.

      Go figure!

      And thanks for reading 🙂


  2. It does sound like an awful date, and intense text messages, but I just have to note:

    If you’ve ever worked at a call centre, you’d probably hate talking on the phone too. I literally cringe whenever I hear my phone ring, haha,

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Cougar Rejection #1 | 30's dater

  4. Pingback: Power Texting Before You Meet Is Bad | 30's dater

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