Power Texting Before You Meet Is Bad

dont text before meeting for a date

Put the phone down – don’t do it!  You know exactly what I am talking about, you meet on a dating site and once one of your phone numbers are shared, the messaging moves to texting, and when that happens you are dead in the water.  This isn’t just a random rant of mine either, its becoming a fact due to multiple studies done by the dating sites themselves and surveyed active daters.  Google the subject and look at all the hits, texting excessively before meeting up is killing daters in their tracks.

I am bringing this up (again) because it happened to me again over the weekend.  Our dating site messages transferred over to texts and it wasn’t long before “Good morning”, “so bored at work right now”, “what are you having for lunch?, “what are you having for dinner?” “look at this picture of what I am doing, what are you doing?” – you get the idea – began.

On two separate occasions I put the phone down and went M.I.A around dinner time until the next day only to sense angst from her when we’d begin communicating again.  Both times I had to explain where the radio silence came from, and I lied about a friend coming over.

Regardless, the damage was already done, we had already discussed everything, she knew everything about me and was also likely weary about where I went those two nights – not the greatest platform to start out on.  I even told her I enjoyed chatting with her but there was still a gleaming chance we would not get along in person, and she took that as a warning, saying “oh god, I am going back to study your pictures” indicating that something MUST be physically wrong with me to say such a thing.  Yeah.

Not only that, I also committed another online dating sin with this date, I called her up during a flurry of texts and we talked on the phone for over 2 hours, further deepening the hole of having absolutely nothing to talk about in person.

And then we met..

I was happy with her looks but after she spent nearly 40 minutes picking out what drink she wanted, our conversation started to sputter and slow down (in between complaining about said drink).  We were reduced to tid bit add-ons about stuff we had already talked about and she came across as low energy and emotionless.  Even though her tone was the same in person as it was on the phone, did she not like me in person?  Highly likely, but if I had something to actually talk about, which had engaged her so much before, right now, I’d be in a far better position.

Oh yeah, I got drilled on where I had been the night before, right down to when I left and got home.

We left the first spot, went for a nice long walk and then stopped at another spot for another drink – after that she said it was nice meeting, thanked me for coming, I kissed her on the cheek and we parted.  I sent a text the next morning saying I had a good time and wished her luck on something she had to do that day, response “Thanks”.

And that text, which was number 1006 between us – all of which I deleted right there, knowing in my gut this one was over.

Dont text before meeting for a date, its lose-lose, if attracted to each other you’ll have nothing to talk about, and if you’re not attracted to each other you will be stunned when you lose your new (make believe) friend.  Keep it to a few quick notes about setting up your date together and leave it at that, otherwise you’re just digging a hole that’s nearly impossible to get out of.

 

 

 

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Power Texting Before You Meet Is Bad

  1. This is incredibly accurate. I had a discussion with my friends about this over dinner last night, and a few of them didn’t understand why this is so detrimental. It is one thing to chat back and forth, but personally, I wouldn’t truly get to know a person until I attached body language and vocal fluctuations with every ounce of detail being shared. If I’ve already read these bits of info before, I’m imagining something in my head, setting a high expectation of what I’d like it to actually be like in person, but it will most likely not match up once I hear the same thing verbatim IRL convo.

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    • Yup, you begin to envision what this person will be like in person and that is obviously never going to end well, as there will be something off-putting that wasn’t part of your “vision”. Some of the best dates I’ve had were after a few dating site notes and no numbers shared at all.

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  2. If a girl is going to drill you about your whereabouts on a night that occurred before you even met her, then she’s totally crazy pants and you’ve dodged a bullet!

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  3. I don’t agree with this. If you are on a first date with the person you will eventually spend your life with, you will not run out of things to talk about, even if you have shared every aspect of your life through the means you had before meeting. Of course, it’s vital to be completely honest and not to hide anything in that case – anything else would be an open invitation to disappointment. You already felt uncomfortable with her being anxious about your not being available… so in fact, you already knew that she was on the clingy, possessive spectrum, which I guess is not what you are looking for.

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    • I speak from experience – building up before meeting is a tried and true way to failure. I just read your online dating blog post and I am sorry to tell you that you are setting yourself up for major disappointment. And what’s with this statement ” If you are on a first date with the person you will eventually spend your life with”

      – You have lots to learn. My posts will make more sense after you’ve been through a few horrid dates. I promise.

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      • I don’t really know what to answer to this reply – you strike up such a assumptive, patronising tone. I guess it actually comes down to what one is looking for in a date. I am very well versed in playing the dating game that will keep the respective date hungry for more, and consciously choose not to play it. My experience is that this only defers the disappointment. Let me explain what I mean. Say you have the personal traits a, b and c (simplifying here, obviously), and you manage to keep trait c secret. Your date has trait d,e and f, of which d stays secret. You get on wonderfully because trait a and e are highly compatible. b and f are ok too. So, as you get along so well + you are kept interested because you are following all the rules of modern dating, you make up your mind to turn this into something more. Somewhere on the line you are going to discover trait d – it’s inevitable. And your then partner will discover trait c. you realise that all your compatibility in your other traits is not enough to overcome the incompatibility you discover in c and d. The disappointment won’t go away just because you don’t give any space to getting to know all the nooks and crannies of your date’s personality. It will only come a lot later and therefore be a lot more painful. This is my experience – maybe you have other experiences to tell me about, and I admit that I haven’t read every blog you have made describing one of your dates. But I do think that following the rules might well lead to more successful dates – but I’m quite sure that getting to know somebody in all their facets is not a bad thing if you are heading towards a relationship with them.

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      • I didn’t mean to come across as brash, I’ve just been down that road before and it never, ever panned out as I (or she) hoped it would. Here’s another post on the subject https://30sdater.com/2014/08/10/the-build-up-date/ People can hide those traits you mention for around 30 days, according to experts, but this is after meeting. I still stand for my point – all the chatting, texting and e-mailing means nothing if you haven’t met yet. You’re living in fantasy land until you meet and face reality. Please – let me know how it turns out when you guys finally meet up.

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  4. This is an interesting perspective and one I hadn’t thought about. Now those dead in the water dates are making sense to me. However I think I would have a hard time staying interested in actually meeting my date if there wasn’t some kind of communication build up. Wouldn’t you be afraid of coming off as “uninterested”?

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