Put the phone down – don’t do it! You know exactly what I am talking about, you meet on a dating site and once one of your phone numbers are shared, the messaging moves to texting, and when that happens you are dead in the water. This isn’t just a random rant of mine either, its becoming a fact due to multiple studies done by the dating sites themselves and surveyed active daters. Google the subject and look at all the hits, texting excessively before meeting up is killing daters in their tracks.
I am bringing this up (again) because it happened to me again over the weekend. Our dating site messages transferred over to texts and it wasn’t long before “Good morning”, “so bored at work right now”, “what are you having for lunch?, “what are you having for dinner?” “look at this picture of what I am doing, what are you doing?” – you get the idea – began.
On two separate occasions I put the phone down and went M.I.A around dinner time until the next day only to sense angst from her when we’d begin communicating again. Both times I had to explain where the radio silence came from, and I lied about a friend coming over.
Regardless, the damage was already done, we had already discussed everything, she knew everything about me and was also likely weary about where I went those two nights – not the greatest platform to start out on. I even told her I enjoyed chatting with her but there was still a gleaming chance we would not get along in person, and she took that as a warning, saying “oh god, I am going back to study your pictures” indicating that something MUST be physically wrong with me to say such a thing. Yeah.
Not only that, I also committed another online dating sin with this date, I called her up during a flurry of texts and we talked on the phone for over 2 hours, further deepening the hole of having absolutely nothing to talk about in person.
And then we met..
I was happy with her looks but after she spent nearly 40 minutes picking out what drink she wanted, our conversation started to sputter and slow down (in between complaining about said drink). We were reduced to tid bit add-ons about stuff we had already talked about and she came across as low energy and emotionless. Even though her tone was the same in person as it was on the phone, did she not like me in person? Highly likely, but if I had something to actually talk about, which had engaged her so much before, right now, I’d be in a far better position.
Oh yeah, I got drilled on where I had been the night before, right down to when I left and got home.
We left the first spot, went for a nice long walk and then stopped at another spot for another drink – after that she said it was nice meeting, thanked me for coming, I kissed her on the cheek and we parted. I sent a text the next morning saying I had a good time and wished her luck on something she had to do that day, response “Thanks”.
And that text, which was number 1006 between us – all of which I deleted right there, knowing in my gut this one was over.
Dont text before meeting for a date, its lose-lose, if attracted to each other you’ll have nothing to talk about, and if you’re not attracted to each other you will be stunned when you lose your new (make believe) friend. Keep it to a few quick notes about setting up your date together and leave it at that, otherwise you’re just digging a hole that’s nearly impossible to get out of.