The Flaky Tester Part 2

30s dating

For part 1 click here

We met at  a place and time she chose – a requirement for the person that cancels two previous dates – set by the other person.

She was on time and was inside grabbing a seat when I sent her a text saying I was in the parking lot, parking.

She was certainly pretty, just like her pictures portrayed, but that 15lb warning was closer to 25, perhaps even 30 and she was fully covered up,  All black, black cardigan that made sure to cover the best part – her ass.  Why do girls do this?  This is like advertising a Lamborghini online – and then I get there and its covered in a tarp except for the headlights and a bit of the hood.  Let me see that body – it’s part of MY decision process and how enthusiastic I’ll be on the date!!

We start chatting and she is quite serious, a little naturally jaded, even mentions the 15lbs and then gets into all the things you aren’t supposed to do on a first date.  She brings up her ex.  Not only that, she asks me about mine – so now we’re both talking about our ex’s.  Then work, how bad her current work situation sucks, more negativity for the pile.

The negativity kept on rolling, how bad the health care system is, wait times, DRAMA! (She had “No drama here” on her profile)

She had a glass of wine, I had two pints of Stella.

We had some things in common no doubt, even after I pecked her on the cheek and hugged in the parking lot I even strongly considered contacting her again – but after waiting 3 days – no thanks.  All I can remember from our date was her negativity, and shady behavior before we even met.

Want to know the funniest part?  She told me she has a side hustle as a dating profile writer with lots of clients.

uh huh.

The Usual, Alright Date.

Oh really, wow, great.

Oh really, wow, great.

The alright date – you know the one, you meet, have a decent conversation over a couple of drinks, chat about your careers, life, family, whatever – then pay the bill, end with a short hug in the parking lot  and never see or attempt to see each other ever again.

*Note – If she’s hot, the guy will always go for the 2nd date, just as an attempt to hook-up, but 9 times out of 10 she felt the same (and isn’t looking for hook-ups) will send you a polite rejection note, which you will laugh off.   This part seems very unclear for “20’s daters” especially women, who are into the guy, get railed once or twice and then ghosted.  That’s why.  No fireworks went off for both parties.

Anyways….

These regular, vanilla, “dates” are what make up the bulk of any dating life.

I’ve been on six of them since Christmas.  No butterflies, no fireworks – just a friendly piece of time spent with a stranger (lets call it what it is).

These are the ones that piss off your friends, making them call you “picky” or that you are wasting your time online dating overall.   “Well you better pick one of them, you’re getting older” – thanks for the inspiration!

So keep that in mind if you are venturing into the land of online dating – some dates will be awesome, some will royally suck – but most will just be alright, with someone you’d end up as friends with under any other circumstance – but you aren’t looking for friends.

 

Busy, Flaky – Or Testing? **Updated

texting-624x655-women-testing-men

Ahhhh – The things we all endure to pass the tests and let’s be honest – the barriers, put in place due to crazy ex’s from the pasts of our dates.  Usually.  Sometimes.  Most of the time – these are straight up tests.

What I am saying is for example, if her ex was a royal douche that flew off the handle when she didn’t reply to his texts within 5 minutes, and then you do the same – or even remind her of that behavior in the initial dating stages, such as not waiting for a reply and blowing up her phone instead – you’re done, son.  Stick a fork in it.

Say you pass the messaging and now she has accepted your offer to go on a date – and you reply with “I dunno where, you know any places?  What do you want to do?”

Game over for you, lazy ass.

Or one I read about recently – a guy sent a girl he’d been on ONE DATE with a text that read “thinking of you” and wondered why she ghosted his ass.

I write about this topic today because I have been playing a game of cat and mouse with a potential match and it’s really starting to get a little ridiculous.   She’s either extremely busy (high-end job, very possible), an aforementioned flake or what I am going with – she’s testing big time – and we haven’t even met!

This is a “list girl” and they are the cream of the crop from dating sites.

What is a list person, you ask?  Rather than making some forgettable dating profile and then aimlessly sending messages to randoms, you list out exactly what you are looking for in your profile description – and then wait for them to come to you.  This does require a different approach but can be extremely effective when done properly and I’ll explain the ins and outs another time.

Back to the list girl – she liked some of my pictures and made me a favorite.  9 times out of 10 this is someone who “thinks” they are a list person, but they are not.  This one, was bang on!   The next day I sent her a note and also liked her picture.  She was on everyday, and visited my profile daily – but took 3 days to respond initially and then another 24-48 hours to reply to the next couple messages, before asking if I’d like to chat on the phone.

If you read here much, you’ll know I hate the phone chat – in my opinion it does nothing but sap you of things to talk about in person, when, you know – it actually matters.  But I’ll do it if she insists as it could be a safety measure and I have no problem with that.  When she asked for the call I said sure, and gave her my number and told her I am around most evenings.

Again a couple of days go by and then one night I get a text just as I am heading to bed, asking how my day was or something.  I replied the next day and said I could give her a call that night (tonight) and she agreed right away – cool, or so I thought.

I call up and get the answering machine – to just hang up would be wrong – so I left a nice message, hey its me, I’ll be up for a while, call me etc.

Its been 3 hours – Nothing.

A newb to this online dating stuff will have no idea what I am talking about here, but veterans know exactly what’s up and how many tests I’ve passed just to be where I am.  I read a cool article the other day (go into your WP readers and just search “dating” there is some great stuff in there) about how a guy can get 100 “atta boy’s” from the girl he’s dating, but if he gets one “uh oh” it’s over. done. finished.

So keep that in mind – busy, flaky or testing – and always stay aware!  Especially with your list people – and about that, check out the post old single bitter drunk made on the subject here.

As for what will happen with this particular one here?  I’ll get a text from her tomorrow with some sort of excuse with an offer of her to call me later that evening, which she will do and I will make the date, and then post about it later.

Well, if my calculations are correct, anyway.

*Update – Within minutes of posting this, she sent me a note on the dating site (that’s odd when we’ve been texting), acknowledging that she missed my call, last minute family dinner, will text me tomorrow to set a time for a call.  I was close….

** Update #2 – She ended up calling me and we actually had a very nice hour long conversation, and I even told her why I don’t like the calls or texting before meeting.  She agreed, and had been burned before by it herself – but as I figured, it was a safety measure.   At the end of the  call I set a date  in the city on the following Tuesday night.  “yes, I’d like that, I’d like that very much” was her response.   The only odd thing during the call was when I told her one of my recent dates showed up 3 times bigger than her pictures portrayed – she goes “full disclosure, I’ve gained 15lbs since my pictures”.  Her pictures are all very hot, I don’t care about 15lbs – I told her I appreciated her telling me that, but it wasn’t necessary.

Then I get this the day we were supposed to meet the first time 

1st

I had been sick the week before, so I sympathized with her and agreed to meet Friday.

Today is Friday, this morning I get this

2nd

I really wanted to bail at this point, but now I want to know why she’s really been putting this off – during our texting I went on Match and noticed that she removed ALL of her previous pictures and has replaced them with ones where she still looks good, but not as good as before – could that be the reason, along with the 15lbs warning from before?  I tried to FB stalk her but I found nothing  – all I found was a LinkedIn head shot.   Anyways I am more or less into this just for research (and blogging) at this point.  I’ve agreed to meet her on Monday.  Any bets that she bails on that one too?

3rdFor part two – CLICK HERE