The 28 Year Old

I usually don’t date women under the age of 30, I just tend to have more in common with the ones that have been on this planet for a similar amount of time as I.  However, exceptions can be made, and I did for this “waste no time” 28-year-old that reached out to me first.  She asked to meet after the second message and I was more than happy to oblige.  We exchanged numbers and all I sent was “see you there at 8pm on Thursday”.  She replied “see you soon”.

I met her in front of the coffee place (her idea).  She didn’t really look like her (vague) pictures, but close enough, and that seems to be the norm – and I get it.  She’s blonde, about 5’9″, in very nice shape, conservatively dressed, minimal – if any – makeup, she didn’t need it.

She jumped right into how she’s trying to start her own business, we get our teas and have a very nicely flowing conversation for about two hours, then she asked if I’d like to go for a walk – sure!

She’s Ukrainian born and lived most of her life in Italy but moved here in 2005 and plans to stay here forever, even though she does still bounce back and forth, getting in from Spain just two days before our date.  She asked me to walk her home and then I’d jump on the nearest subway and head back to my place.  Throughout the date she was dropping hints all over the place, like, “well you’ll have to show me how to do that”, “can you take me along next time?” – lots of things instigating future contact.  When we arrived at hers she says  “well maybe we can go skiing together, or jogging”

Skiing, WTF?  (Its Spring time)

I gave her the old “ass out” hug and went on my way.  She’s nice but I just wasn’t physically attracted to her, she came across like a business partner and not a love interest.  However, I am done with tossing potential friends aside after these dates.  I’ve mentioned before that I believe dating sites use an algorithm more or less to be friends than anything else (or worse, an algorithm designed to keep you paying and going on endless amounts of first dates, but that’s another post)  – and my gut tells me she’s on the same page.  I’ve learned from all this dating that 9 times out of 10 they feel the exact same way you do.






My First Online Date (2002) Part 2

So where were we…

Oh yeah, in her bedroom and I left soon after.  If memory serves correct I think we met up in the city once or twice more, hung out at her place a couple more nights and then I screwed it all up.

I was to meet her at her place at 10pm and on my drive there I got a call from one of my good northern friends that a few of them were in the city at another friends place and to come over.  Which I did.  We ended up at a bar and we didn’t get back until 1:00 or 2:00am – I told her I was now on my way, and she basically told me to go f^ck myself.  Lol.

Now a little more back story on her, she dealt with depression and was bi-polar – so our little fight was a huge deal.  I remember going back onto the primitive chat site and she’d be on there posing as a guy, under fake names, being a weirdo.  She accused me of “holding a grudge” when we finally started chatting again.  Not long after this I “upgraded” my phone..

unlock-samsung-a520And it was an absolute nightmare to type on!  I also quit the factory job soon after and pretty much had no more need to chat with random strangers for hours on end anymore.  I did keep in touch with T though, she eventually went back to school, which I thought was amazing, but when I connected with her again in around 2004 she told me she “got depressed and dropped out”.

A few more years went by and I found her on Facebook around 2007.  I asked her how it was going, she said she was a happy “stay at home mom”.  I thought great!  But in our chats it was revealed that the home was her boyfriends moms basement somewhere in the middle of nowhere and that she wasn’t very happy at all.

She deleted her FB account not long after that and I can find no trace of her online anywhere.

So there you have it, my very first online date ever.

The End.



My Very First Online Date (2002)


I was 22, wasting youth like you don’t even know, working night shift at a factory.  I bought my first cell phone, a brick-like thing, almost as heavy as one.

I ran three machines, from 11pm – 7am.  It was a huge factory, but there were only 10 of us on the night “crew”.   I literally pushed buttons to start each machine, in a circle, then wait for 5 minutes until they finished and needed to be re-filled – all night, every night.

Gun drills they were, these little tubes of knurled-end steel would eventually end up as column shifters in Ford and Chevy pick-ups.

A mindless, boring gig – that you do before you know where your life is heading.

This was when I pulled this “brick” phone out of my pocket and started exploring.  It had an “internet games” button.  Once in there, besides the stupid games there was a “chat” option – so in I went.  It was actually pretty cool – it was like Twitter, but you could make your own group or discussion topic and others would pile in.

Remember, this was a phone without a qwerty – to type out a message you had to use the numbers – press #2 twice for B, #9  once for W, #7 four times for S.  Sounds hard, but it became second nature and I could bang out sentences almost as fast as I can today…

Wasn’t long before I was part of a semi-local clique, and for some reason this chat group attracted Toronto strippers like magnets.  I guess they too would dive into their phones after a dance, when claps were sparse and the room was empty – but it became an addiction for them.  I’d do overtime shifts, Saturday nights and they’d be on there even more.


There was an outspoken member Superm0del 

Very funny, up to chat about anything and frankly, just super cool.  At first I thought this was some whale – or worse – an old man, using the name to generate attention – no pictures here folks, you mailed them to your suitor.

Turns out she had recently quit peeling on the Toronto circuit and was back living at home trying to get her shit together.  Another member of the group barked at me “she looks like Cameron Diaz, she isn’t a pig”

She actually looked better than Diaz…

And I still have the Polaroid she sent me – I just spent 10 minutes looking and can’t find it, think big titted blonde surrounded by juice heads in a bar, and you’re close.  I’ll post it on Twitter when I find it.

Our convos started as banter  but we eventually fell for each other, one day my first name preceded Superm0del in her screen name.  That meant lust back then.

Meanwhile, we were committing the biggest sin ever – falling in love over text before meeting.

Eventually we arranged a meet, somehow I got her to drive an hour to me and we met beside a phone booth at a gas station, to where she was lost and I drove to find her.  She was hot, but a bimbo for sure – big boobs, big hair, make up, tight jeans, heels….

I loved what I saw, she didn’t reciprocate – I was a thin, malnourished, poorly dressed, pale, inexperienced, been hanging out from 11pm-7am in a factory for the past year “thinking she’s gonna love me off just what I do online” kid.

I was 22, she 26.

I didn’t know this until I went for the kiss at the end of our date, which consisted of beers and pool at an Applebees.   I got the cheek.

I sent her a message right away letting her know my increased lust for her…

I got shot down with “I dunno, I like you, but I usually date bigger guys, and this hurts like hell”

I did the best thing ever, and I said ok and backed off, admitting defeat – which hurt, but I knew it hurt her just as much.

It wasn’t 3-4 days and she wanted to meet up again – this time  a movie at my place (a farm house in the middle of nowhere southern farm county Ontario)

She again got lost on the main drag, so I went to get her, we got a movie from a place called Blockbuster you have probably never heard of 😉

We watched the movie in my bed – now, strippers aren’t your “usual bears” they have been hit on and had offers by everyone, incl pro athletes and actors – so there isn’t any game for me to play here, and being younger than her – no hope in hell.

She barked at me afterwards for having a 26’er of whiskey on my dresser “WAS THAT TO GET ME DRUNK SO YOU COULD FUCK ME???”

During the night we never hit it, she did end up taking home with her few kittens we had acquired from one of the barn cats – which she later dumped at an animal shelter, while not being allowed to, and getting yelled at by the guy, and calling my in the midst asking how to handle it “TEAR THE FUCK OUTTA THERE” I recommended – she did.

After that I was invited for date 3 in her bedroom.

She lived with her parents – she had me come in the garage door, then hustled me up the stairs.  “lay down” and she left the room.  She came back in just a t-shirt, barely covering 30% of her ass – which was beautiful….

We had an awesome night – in the morning she told me to keep sleeping and left to go get us breakfast, she came back with breakfast bagels and coffee – OMG, this was heaven.

Part 2 Next…





The Love It Or Hate It Dating Profile


I am going to go ahead and state that this post pertains mainly to men, but it’ll also work for the ladies to filter out the guys that aren’t just sending you messages based on your pictures.  This is to help you benefit the most from people who actually read profiles, and I am going to say more women do this than men.

So on with  the love it or hate it dating profile.

A popular car designer came up with a theory around 10 years ago and it’s been in place ever since.  That theory was to design “love it or hate it” vehicles.  Bland gets overlooked, but if they are head over heels for the design they will buy it, and f%ck the haters – you can design something else for them.  Bland “don’t offend anyone” design was popular in the 80’s and 90’s when cars looked like boxes or blobs, but since around 2005 its been all about love it or hate it.

2004 Chrysler 300 - betcha don't remember it.

2004 Chrysler 300 – betcha don’t remember it.

You know this one though!  2005 Chrysler 300 and you either love it or hate it.

You know this one though! 2005 Chrysler 300 and you either love it or hate it.

That said…

Don’t be “vanilla” when creating your dating profile in an attempt to be liked by everyone that reads it.  Write out who you are, what you like and what you do not like in  a creative and positive way.  Yeah, this will turn some viewers away, but it’ll also pull in others and hopefully prompt them to send you a note.  Show who the real you is and try as hard as you can to be unique and real.

I put this into place 3 days ago and I haven’t just received messages, I’ve received notes from women that have their claws out.  I’ve seen this vigor before, but not this much this often.  Hell, I have a 39-year-old from Wisconsin (no clue how she even found me) ready to jump on a plane and 3 locals vying for position.

Try it.