How To Online Date

how-to-online-date

Are you ready to take the online dating plunge, but aren’t quite sure of the in’s, out’s and what have you’s ?  Then take a read through my extremely detailed comprehensive list (sarcasm) that I’ve made up after going on 80+ online dates.

Know what you want

Generally by now you should have an idea of what you like in a partner.  Previous relationships have taught you what you like and dislike about potential partners so do your best to screen for this before meeting.  Take it from me, going on aimless and endless dates during the week gets old and tiring pretty quick.  Agreeing to meet someone just because they have nice pictures (we’ll get to pictures in a minute) is also a recipe for disaster if you have absolutely nothing else in relative common.  I’ve made posts before about writing down what you’d like in a partner, looks, interests, deal breakers etc.  This will save you time when online dating so you can meet up with only your best candidates.

Pictures are rarely accurate, accept it

bad-dating-profile-pictures-1

80/20 rule applies here – 80% of the time they’ll look a little worse and 20% of the time they’ll look a little better.  Often the variance isn’t big enough to sway your opinion but you will have people who blatantly lie.  I’ve met a couple 300+ pounders that I truly thought were less than half that based on their old or doctored pictures, so if you sense this ask for a body shot, if there is any sort of excuse just move on.  If all they have is head shots you can expect to be surprised upon meeting as well unless they have stated “big and beautiful” as their body type.  You’ve been warned.

bad-dating-profile-pictures-2

Free sites vs Paid sites

I don’t use any free sites, it’s too easy for anyone to sign up, especially women, and then bathe in the attention of receiving hundreds of messages every day all while falsely sending their standards into the stratosphere.

sorry-black-guys-only-whitre-men-can-handle-this

But alas, all paid sites aren’t created equally.  I’ve made reviews on eHarmony and Elite Singles, neither of which I recommend.  Also any newer app (bumble) is also going to be packed with fake profiles to trick you into signing up.  And ladies – a cheating man isn’t going to pay for a match subscription just to lead you on and get laid.

People on paid sites tend to take the process a lot more serious and if you are serious about meeting someone, you have to be on a paid site.

Beware the rebounders 

online-dating-rebounders

The #1 epidemic of dating and especially online dating is the vast pool of rebounders.  A rebounder is someone that’s fresh out of a long-term relationship that has no clue that they aren’t ready for a new relationship yet.

Rebounders love to lead you on right away, get serious way too quick and then vanish without a trace after realizing they need time to heal from their previous relationship.  They come on strong initially because you are simply their stand in replacement and then usually within a couple of weeks they go all Houdini and you’ll never hear from or see them again.

Rebounder red flags include bringing up their ex (even in passing) during pre-meet conversation or on the 1st date.  If an ex is ever mentioned, at all, they are not over them and you are on borrowed time.  Avoid them, let some other schmuck deal with them and get played.  Always ask when their last relationship was – if its anything less than a year be very wary.  If less than 6 months don’t even bother.  If they mention their ex – bail!  There are plenty of serious people in the dating pool, you only want to focus on them.

Do NOT text or communicate excessively before meeting!

texting-guy

This one is the most important rule of online dating.  All too often people fall into the trap of texting 24/7 for days/weeks before meeting.  All this does is make you fall for a figment of your imagination that will never materialize into the person you are meeting.  Ever.

The texting and communication, besides getting her warm enough to meet for a date means absolutely nothing until you meet face to face.

I don’t care if you have been chatting about your deepest secrets for months on end – it means nothing until you meet.

The texting is used for setting up the date and perhaps even saying “I am here” once you’ve arrived, that’s it.

 

Good luck!

I could keep on going but I will cut it short here.  Those are the basics to get you started in hopefully the least stressful and most enjoyable way you possibly can.  Good luck!

 

 

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19 thoughts on “How To Online Date

  1. These are all good points. However, sometimes you just need a little luck! There was an article about a guy who was mapping algorithms for six months, trying to find the perfect online dating formula. Then a girl messaged him because he was over six feet and lived nearby. That’s who he married! I’m dating a guy that, from his profile, I thought I would have nothing in common with. (We’re nearing two years together.) A profile is a snapshot of a mood, a moment; it’s not comprehensive. And if you map out everything you want in a partner, you are limited by what you know. (There are wonderful things you don’t know yet!)

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  2. Wish somebody had told me about the rebounders beforehand, but at least I know what to look for now. And if all their pics are from the neck/shoulders/cleavage up, I don’t even waste time asking for body shots; I just X them immediately. I got wise to that trick a long time ago.

    As far as knowing what you want, like I always said it was hard for me to know that precisely without prior relationship experience. Of course it’s a different story now, and that’s helped me loads.

    I hold a contrary view when it comes to paid vs. free sites. It was the paid sites that seemed a waste of time to me. For one, I almost never saw anyone on there I hadn’t already seen on a free site, and if you’re on something like Match (which I was) then there are a lot of people who have profiles but they can’t message you back because they didn’t/won’t pay for a subscription. And one girl I did talk to on Match ended up being the first girl to stand me up, too.

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    • Really depends on the girl but usually no, its not. The only way 6 months is enough is when the person moved on while still in the relationship – for months and months. This is why some leave a relationship and DO successfully enter a long term relationship right away – because they had literally no feelings for their ex, and hadn’t for a long time. Its rare, but happens, usually in marriages.

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  3. I agree with most of what you wrote except the rebound thing. As someone who was in a crappy relationship, I knew it was over for a very, very long time. I hoped it would get better. If a guy asks about it, I tell them as I believe in full disclosure.

    I look forward to reading your articles!

    -TheDatingDiatribe

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  4. I love getting a mans perspective on this! Absolutely fascinating. I agree with a lot of this from a female perspective as well. I hate the back and forth messages, let’s just meet. I also have run into men who talk about thier ex a lot and that was a red flag. Once I met a guy who talked about his ex so much and it all made sense when I found out they were still together. So many wtf’ s lol.

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