The Hot Pizza

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I believe this particular sassy brunette was all but finished with online dating, like most people are in the waning months of a dating site subscription left to linger.  She would take literal days to reply until finally offering me her number as she flat-out “never checked the dating app anymore.”

Been there.

From there we agreed on a pizza date at a place I had never been to before.  We met inside the place and she was well presented.  Perhaps her photos were 3-4 years old but nothing to complain about.  The only thing I can complain about was the pizza.  It was essentially hot sauce, cheese and honey – yes, honey.  Between burning my mouth and lips I also had sticky fingers.  I hate all 3.

From there we went to grab a drink at a really cool bar and we had a great conversation filled with laughs.  This wasn’t like a date, it was like a reunion with that friendly acquaintance that you only use to chat with in the high school smoking section and nowhere else.

Before parting ways we kissed and she said “let’s do this again soon!” and I agreed.

I even set the date for the following weekend, but I truthfully wasn’t really into it after a few days had gone by – while we indeed had a good time I don’t think enough was there to warrant the work involved with meeting again .  The morning of, like she was telepathic, texted me a cancellation saying that after work it was just too much to head back into the city and that she just wasn’t up for it.  I respectfully let her know it was no problem at all and to take care.

Second dates should only happen if you had such an amazing first that you can’t wait for the second and can’t stop thinking about the person  – not out of boredom or “what if”.

The Curvy Blonde

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We met for a coffee in her part of the city and while our conversation flowed nicely, I wasn’t sure if I was all that attracted to her.  After coffee we went to another spot for food before I dropped her off.  A few days later she called me and asked if I would like to see her again – I said sure and set a time that I would pick her up and we would drive around and find a spot to chill at.

The reason I was more or less open to a 2nd date with her was because she stayed all covered up during the 1st and I really had no idea of what type of body she had and I wanted to see the goods.

Date day arrives and I drive to pick her up, meeting her at her front door.  We drove to a busy part of the city, parked the car and walked until we found a weird little hipster paradise that managed to screw up simple bacon and eggs.  Highlight moment was when she managed to spray her entire front-side with hot sauce while trying to get it to come out of the bottle – it looked like a crime scene and smelled absolutely horrid.

After eating (and her cleaning herself up with 400 napkins and a few trips to the ladies room) we left to go for another walk but soon ended up back at her place.

We had tea and watched TV but she made it clear that her bedroom was strictly off limits!  We kissed and played around before I called it a day and went home – knowing I wouldn’t be seeing her again.  She had a very structured vibe about herself and a little controlling which I don’t like.

She texted a few times before I told her there just wasn’t enough chemistry – just not enough click.  She rebutted that clearly all I wanted was sex and I just deleted the message.  No, I don’t go out on two dates with you, pay for everything all in the weak attempt to “use you” for sex.  If I wanted that I would have met her again, but I am not here to waste anyones time, including my own.

 

 

How To Online Date

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Are you ready to take the online dating plunge, but aren’t quite sure of the in’s, out’s and what have you’s ?  Then take a read through my extremely detailed comprehensive list (sarcasm) that I’ve made up after going on 80+ online dates.

Know what you want

Generally by now you should have an idea of what you like in a partner.  Previous relationships have taught you what you like and dislike about potential partners so do your best to screen for this before meeting.  Take it from me, going on aimless and endless dates during the week gets old and tiring pretty quick.  Agreeing to meet someone just because they have nice pictures (we’ll get to pictures in a minute) is also a recipe for disaster if you have absolutely nothing else in relative common.  I’ve made posts before about writing down what you’d like in a partner, looks, interests, deal breakers etc.  This will save you time when online dating so you can meet up with only your best candidates.

Pictures are rarely accurate, accept it

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80/20 rule applies here – 80% of the time they’ll look a little worse and 20% of the time they’ll look a little better.  Often the variance isn’t big enough to sway your opinion but you will have people who blatantly lie.  I’ve met a couple 300+ pounders that I truly thought were less than half that based on their old or doctored pictures, so if you sense this ask for a body shot, if there is any sort of excuse just move on.  If all they have is head shots you can expect to be surprised upon meeting as well unless they have stated “big and beautiful” as their body type.  You’ve been warned.

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Free sites vs Paid sites

I don’t use any free sites, it’s too easy for anyone to sign up, especially women, and then bathe in the attention of receiving hundreds of messages every day all while falsely sending their standards into the stratosphere.

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But alas, all paid sites aren’t created equally.  I’ve made reviews on eHarmony and Elite Singles, neither of which I recommend.  Also any newer app (bumble) is also going to be packed with fake profiles to trick you into signing up.  And ladies – a cheating man isn’t going to pay for a match subscription just to lead you on and get laid.

People on paid sites tend to take the process a lot more serious and if you are serious about meeting someone, you have to be on a paid site.

Beware the rebounders 

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The #1 epidemic of dating and especially online dating is the vast pool of rebounders.  A rebounder is someone that’s fresh out of a long-term relationship that has no clue that they aren’t ready for a new relationship yet.

Rebounders love to lead you on right away, get serious way too quick and then vanish without a trace after realizing they need time to heal from their previous relationship.  They come on strong initially because you are simply their stand in replacement and then usually within a couple of weeks they go all Houdini and you’ll never hear from or see them again.

Rebounder red flags include bringing up their ex (even in passing) during pre-meet conversation or on the 1st date.  If an ex is ever mentioned, at all, they are not over them and you are on borrowed time.  Avoid them, let some other schmuck deal with them and get played.  Always ask when their last relationship was – if its anything less than a year be very wary.  If less than 6 months don’t even bother.  If they mention their ex – bail!  There are plenty of serious people in the dating pool, you only want to focus on them.

Do NOT text or communicate excessively before meeting!

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This one is the most important rule of online dating.  All too often people fall into the trap of texting 24/7 for days/weeks before meeting.  All this does is make you fall for a figment of your imagination that will never materialize into the person you are meeting.  Ever.

The texting and communication, besides getting her warm enough to meet for a date means absolutely nothing until you meet face to face.

I don’t care if you have been chatting about your deepest secrets for months on end – it means nothing until you meet.

The texting is used for setting up the date and perhaps even saying “I am here” once you’ve arrived, that’s it.

 

Good luck!

I could keep on going but I will cut it short here.  Those are the basics to get you started in hopefully the least stressful and most enjoyable way you possibly can.  Good luck!

 

 

Guest Post: Why Over 30 Is The Best Age For Serious Relationships

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Age is a strange thing. In your younger years you may feel so sure of what you want in a relationship and who you are, and you certainly have the energy to persue what you want and to get it. Though, as you move up through your twenties, something happens.
Nasty relationships, financial struggles and an awakening to the nature of the world may shake your confidence; you may become jaded and certain that dating is a waste of your time; or you may get so wrapped up in your professional career that you don’t take the time to foster those social skills which work to put you out there to prove your worth to the opposite sex.
Whatever the reason, dating through your twenties can be quite rocky, especially as you edge closer to your thirties while watching your friends getting picked off one by one by that special someone they have chosen to settle down with.
There is hope, and far more of it than you would think. The fact of the matter is that when you turn thirty, the dating world becomes clearer to navigate, less daunting than it ever was in your twenties, and far more rewarding than you could ever have imagined it would be.

You have a better idea of who you are

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I struggle with the notion of young love, or love at first site. I acquaint these ideals with a sense of nativity that is often associated with youth. Chemistry between two people can come about for a number of reasons, and love and attraction are not always on the list.
There is a tendency in your youth to choose dating partners based on their aesthetic qualities, seeking perfection in beauty without considering whether you have something to offer in return for this or not. The truth is, when you are in your twenties, you likely don’t yet have the financial security and personal confidence required to prove your worth, something which seems to change dramatically when you hit your thirties.
Life’s challenges will make you more attune to who you are, where you are going and what you have to offer. The confidence this brings makes it easier to put yourself out there and makes communicating with women far more natural and easier to do, making the dating game far less terrifying.

You know what you want

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By your thirties, you have likely gone through scores of breakups and dealt with flings and girlfriends who were prime examples of what you didn’t need in your life. Each of these incidences have had something to teach you.
You now know what you want in a woman beyond a buxom bosom, smooth skin and an exceptional bedside manner. You now know what a potential partner should bring to your life beyond immediate attraction.

Is she self-centered? Can she engage you in intelligent conversations? Does she compliment your personality? Questions like these can only really be answered once you have sifted through the fun-girls of your twenties and realized why they weren’t right for you.

You’ve played all the bitter games and so has she

By the time you hit your thirties, you have likely been jaded by scores of failed relationships and behavior unbecoming of a human. Silly childish games, unwarranted jealousy and infidelity can all be attributed to the folly of youth.
By the time you hit your thirties, however, you have played each variety of these relational games for dominance, meaning you can spot them from a mile away and move on without wasting your time.

Author Bio:
Mark Greene of Mens Axis is a lifestyle professional writer and digital nomad with a keen interest in men’s mental and physical health, life hacks, grooming, men’s fashion, sex, dating, career and overall day to day solutions for men. The world, according to him, is what you make of it. So go out there and make it amazing.

Guest Post: How to Create a Lasting Impression

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In a sea of dudes, how can you stand out from the other fish? Attractive women are used to getting approached and are tired of the same old tactics. From using the cocky approach to going for flattery, it’s all been done before. Think about it: are you guilty of using the same lame strategies and openers? Not to worry buddy. Here are some ways to switch up your game.

Nail your Look

If you think appearing pompous and successful is the key to luring women, you’re missing the single most important ingredient—your look. Many guys set the bar pretty low, mistaking a plaid shirt and a beard as an excuse for style. Sorry, but unless your Dan Bilzerian, you can’t get away with it.

To make a good first impression, wear a black V-neck. Why so specific? Well, it’s probably the most universally flattering shirt for guys. Other than that, make sure you’re freshly showered, well-groomed and smell awesome.

Be Interesting to Grab her Attention

Women are suckers for witty banter. It gives them a chance to feel like they’re clever and increases their curiosity about you. The interplay of sarcasm and flirtation brings you closer together, creating a fun experience that takes the pressure off.

You can develop this exciting interaction by asking her a probing question. Something simple like, “Do you play Pokemon Go?” This will entice her to answer and engage with you. If you can make her laugh, that’s a bonus! Laughter and deep conversation is a powerful recipe for an unforgettable moment.

The ability to capture her attention is especially vital when seducing women through dating apps. Although women on apps like Tinder and POF are usually easy prey, you’ll need to work harder for those dames on higher-quality apps like Match or Who Winked Me.

Be Social and Likeable

Like Van Wilder, you should always exude strong feel-good vibes, so that every lady wants a piece of you. Women can instantly sniff out the big boy on campus and it’ll boost your attractiveness level tenfold. The only question is how well do you impress those around you?

A great way to be impressive in a social setting is to show off your connections and friends—you’ll demonstrate likeability, making you more attractive to her. She’ll feed off your confidence like a piranha because most women are insecure and are hungry for approval. So, you be the guy to give her that satisfaction. Right this way, missy…

Be Authoritative

Women love manly men— it’s pretty much locked in their female DNA. The appearance of self-certainty and inner strength demonstrates power, which is like a drug for attraction.

Yet, this quality should not be confused with arrogance. We’re not talking about being smug, but rather secure and independent. Women are less likely to forget about the guy who shows true authority because it’s so desirable. On an instinctual level, they perceive these qualities to mean you’re a good protector and love maker—someone they’ll definitely want to give their number to.

These techniques far exceed anything you’ve ever been taught about game-play. They work on a genuine level, creating a lasting impression to close the deal, locked and sealed. Try incorporating these strategies for the next time you meet a woman you really want. Good luck.

The Rebounder

Dating a rebounder

It’s fun when you’ve dated enough to know what’s going to happen, before it happens and when dealing with a rebounder it’s never going to end well.

We met on match – the dating site that automatically renewed me for 3 additional months, when I was planning on taking the summer off from this craziness.  I was free, until I saw my credit card bill.  Ugh.

It starts with a check-in every few days, then responding to messages – and before you know it, you are right back in online dating hell.

We began chatting and everything seemed ok, she was totally normal.  That all came crashing down though when her answer to my question of when her last relationship was came back as “4 months ago”.  Even that turned out to be exaggerated because she had just moved out of their place 2 months ago, where they had lived together for 7 years.

She assured me she was over him, but I am sorry – that is impossible.

I stayed in it because she kept on insisting on coming over to my place – but even I am not that crazy for a first date, so we met half way.  We met in the parking lot and on our way into the bar she put her arm around my waist.  I had known her 10 seconds.

There was also the previous texting, which was also a dead giveaway that I was dealing with a rebounder (in denial).

Rebounders are easy to spot because they are trying to pick-up right where they left off with their ex.  The good morning texts, the deep conversations and apparently the public displays of affection.

After we had a drink at the bar we decided to go for a walk along the waterfront – she was holding my hand within a few minutes.  Who in the hell holds hands on a first date?

There was also lots and lots of kissing – which I enjoyed, but I never truly committed any feelings for her because I knew of the impending collapse.  She had asked to come to my area so we made a date then and there for a few days later.  This was great for me, because it would mean lots of hot sweaty sex.  She texted me when she got home from the date, the next morning, afternoon and night.

However, the day before our date she had gone silent.  Her last message was something along the lines of “Heading back to work now, I’ll text you later xoxoxox”

The next day, nothing.

The day of I sent a simple text, fully knowing she had very likely gone rebounder awol.

“are you still coming?”

Now usually I would never send something like that, but I had another girl asking me if we could meet that night – a very hot girl, that wasn’t on the rebound – so I needed to know.

Nope, not even a response to that.

A day later her dating profile was deleted too.

I make this post for no other reason than to warn you out there – dating sites are clogged with rebounders doing nothing but wasting the time of people who are ready to date and find a relationship so always ask when their last relationship was.  If its been recent or if they have to keep bringing up their ex – they aren’t over them yet.  If they aren’t over them, they aren’t ready to date and its only a matter of time before they figure that out.

 

 

 

The 5 Worst Things To Talk About During A Date

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Time to blow the dust off the keyboard, for weeks I couldn’t even get in here as I lost the password.  I’ve noticed almost nobody has been blogging much, but I have the urge so lets go.

#1 – Your Ex.

This one is a no brainer for any veteran dater but during my dating tenure it was a very popular topic for the newbies.  If your date brings up their ex – 99.9% of the time all it means is that they aren’t over them and it’s the biggest red flag that can be waved.  Your date wants to hear and learn about you and not much else.  If you feel the need to bring up your ex, you shouldn’t be out on a date in the first place.

#2 – Your Job

Obviously you are going to bring up what you do for a living, but don’t dwell on it.  Shop talk is extremely boring and can suck the life out of a date within a couple of minutes.  Many things can also go wrong  if you don’t particularly like your job, so now the discussion has turned depressing and negative – or you can come off as a conceited douche, both are date killers.

#3 – Your Trip

“Oh it was so beautiful, and the rooms were gorgeous” – who cares.  If it ain’t about you, make it about them.

#4 – Politics or Religion

I’ll give this one a 50% chance of success if you happen to be into the same political party or religious beliefs, but if not – prepare for fireworks, and no call back.

#5 – Mindless drivel

Things such as, but not limited to: weather, traffic, routes you take to work, air travel, personal drama, current affairs etc.

If you want to make a connection on a first date you aren’t going to do it by scraping the surface with worthless small talk.  Ask questions about your date to open them up and see who they really are, if you relate to something then touch on it.  Men on first dates are only supposed to ask questions and keep the female talking for 80% of the date, but they have to be the right ones that get below the surface.

If women find themselves on a date with a guy that only wants to talk about his job and the weather, save the date by asking him questions to take the conversation deeper and more interesting.

Deep conversation is sexy, make it happen!

 

 

 

The 28 Year Old

I usually don’t date women under the age of 30, I just tend to have more in common with the ones that have been on this planet for a similar amount of time as I.  However, exceptions can be made, and I did for this “waste no time” 28-year-old that reached out to me first.  She asked to meet after the second message and I was more than happy to oblige.  We exchanged numbers and all I sent was “see you there at 8pm on Thursday”.  She replied “see you soon”.

I met her in front of the coffee place (her idea).  She didn’t really look like her (vague) pictures, but close enough, and that seems to be the norm – and I get it.  She’s blonde, about 5’9″, in very nice shape, conservatively dressed, minimal – if any – makeup, she didn’t need it.

She jumped right into how she’s trying to start her own business, we get our teas and have a very nicely flowing conversation for about two hours, then she asked if I’d like to go for a walk – sure!

She’s Ukrainian born and lived most of her life in Italy but moved here in 2005 and plans to stay here forever, even though she does still bounce back and forth, getting in from Spain just two days before our date.  She asked me to walk her home and then I’d jump on the nearest subway and head back to my place.  Throughout the date she was dropping hints all over the place, like, “well you’ll have to show me how to do that”, “can you take me along next time?” – lots of things instigating future contact.  When we arrived at hers she says  “well maybe we can go skiing together, or jogging”

Skiing, WTF?  (Its Spring time)

I gave her the old “ass out” hug and went on my way.  She’s nice but I just wasn’t physically attracted to her, she came across like a business partner and not a love interest.  However, I am done with tossing potential friends aside after these dates.  I’ve mentioned before that I believe dating sites use an algorithm more or less to be friends than anything else (or worse, an algorithm designed to keep you paying and going on endless amounts of first dates, but that’s another post)  – and my gut tells me she’s on the same page.  I’ve learned from all this dating that 9 times out of 10 they feel the exact same way you do.

 

 

 

 

My First Online Date (2002) Part 2

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So where were we…

Oh yeah, in her bedroom and I left soon after.  If memory serves correct I think we met up in the city once or twice more, hung out at her place a couple more nights and then I screwed it all up.

I was to meet her at her place at 10pm and on my drive there I got a call from one of my good northern friends that a few of them were in the city at another friends place and to come over.  Which I did.  We ended up at a bar and we didn’t get back until 1:00 or 2:00am – I told her I was now on my way, and she basically told me to go f^ck myself.  Lol.

Now a little more back story on her, she dealt with depression and was bi-polar – so our little fight was a huge deal.  I remember going back onto the primitive chat site and she’d be on there posing as a guy, under fake names, being a weirdo.  She accused me of “holding a grudge” when we finally started chatting again.  Not long after this I “upgraded” my phone..

unlock-samsung-a520And it was an absolute nightmare to type on!  I also quit the factory job soon after and pretty much had no more need to chat with random strangers for hours on end anymore.  I did keep in touch with T though, she eventually went back to school, which I thought was amazing, but when I connected with her again in around 2004 she told me she “got depressed and dropped out”.

A few more years went by and I found her on Facebook around 2007.  I asked her how it was going, she said she was a happy “stay at home mom”.  I thought great!  But in our chats it was revealed that the home was her boyfriends moms basement somewhere in the middle of nowhere and that she wasn’t very happy at all.

She deleted her FB account not long after that and I can find no trace of her online anywhere.

So there you have it, my very first online date ever.

The End.

 

 

My Very First Online Date (2002)

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I was 22, wasting youth like you don’t even know, working night shift at a factory.  I bought my first cell phone, a brick-like thing, almost as heavy as one.

I ran three machines, from 11pm – 7am.  It was a huge factory, but there were only 10 of us on the night “crew”.   I literally pushed buttons to start each machine, in a circle, then wait for 5 minutes until they finished and needed to be re-filled – all night, every night.

Gun drills they were, these little tubes of knurled-end steel would eventually end up as column shifters in Ford and Chevy pick-ups.

A mindless, boring gig – that you do before you know where your life is heading.

This was when I pulled this “brick” phone out of my pocket and started exploring.  It had an “internet games” button.  Once in there, besides the stupid games there was a “chat” option – so in I went.  It was actually pretty cool – it was like Twitter, but you could make your own group or discussion topic and others would pile in.

Remember, this was a phone without a qwerty – to type out a message you had to use the numbers – press #2 twice for B, #9  once for W, #7 four times for S.  Sounds hard, but it became second nature and I could bang out sentences almost as fast as I can today…

Wasn’t long before I was part of a semi-local clique, and for some reason this chat group attracted Toronto strippers like magnets.  I guess they too would dive into their phones after a dance, when claps were sparse and the room was empty – but it became an addiction for them.  I’d do overtime shifts, Saturday nights and they’d be on there even more.

Anyways…

There was an outspoken member Superm0del 

Very funny, up to chat about anything and frankly, just super cool.  At first I thought this was some whale – or worse – an old man, using the name to generate attention – no pictures here folks, you mailed them to your suitor.

Turns out she had recently quit peeling on the Toronto circuit and was back living at home trying to get her shit together.  Another member of the group barked at me “she looks like Cameron Diaz, she isn’t a pig”

She actually looked better than Diaz…

And I still have the Polaroid she sent me – I just spent 10 minutes looking and can’t find it, think big titted blonde surrounded by juice heads in a bar, and you’re close.  I’ll post it on Twitter when I find it.

Our convos started as banter  but we eventually fell for each other, one day my first name preceded Superm0del in her screen name.  That meant lust back then.

Meanwhile, we were committing the biggest sin ever – falling in love over text before meeting.

Eventually we arranged a meet, somehow I got her to drive an hour to me and we met beside a phone booth at a gas station, to where she was lost and I drove to find her.  She was hot, but a bimbo for sure – big boobs, big hair, make up, tight jeans, heels….

I loved what I saw, she didn’t reciprocate – I was a thin, malnourished, poorly dressed, pale, inexperienced, been hanging out from 11pm-7am in a factory for the past year “thinking she’s gonna love me off just what I do online” kid.

I was 22, she 26.

I didn’t know this until I went for the kiss at the end of our date, which consisted of beers and pool at an Applebees.   I got the cheek.

I sent her a message right away letting her know my increased lust for her…

I got shot down with “I dunno, I like you, but I usually date bigger guys, and this hurts like hell”

I did the best thing ever, and I said ok and backed off, admitting defeat – which hurt, but I knew it hurt her just as much.

It wasn’t 3-4 days and she wanted to meet up again – this time  a movie at my place (a farm house in the middle of nowhere southern farm county Ontario)

She again got lost on the main drag, so I went to get her, we got a movie from a place called Blockbuster you have probably never heard of 😉

We watched the movie in my bed – now, strippers aren’t your “usual bears” they have been hit on and had offers by everyone, incl pro athletes and actors – so there isn’t any game for me to play here, and being younger than her – no hope in hell.

She barked at me afterwards for having a 26’er of whiskey on my dresser “WAS THAT TO GET ME DRUNK SO YOU COULD FUCK ME???”

During the night we never hit it, she did end up taking home with her few kittens we had acquired from one of the barn cats – which she later dumped at an animal shelter, while not being allowed to, and getting yelled at by the guy, and calling my in the midst asking how to handle it “TEAR THE FUCK OUTTA THERE” I recommended – she did.

After that I was invited for date 3 in her bedroom.

She lived with her parents – she had me come in the garage door, then hustled me up the stairs.  “lay down” and she left the room.  She came back in just a t-shirt, barely covering 30% of her ass – which was beautiful….

We had an awesome night – in the morning she told me to keep sleeping and left to go get us breakfast, she came back with breakfast bagels and coffee – OMG, this was heaven.

Part 2 Next…