The Bad Idea

BORING Rubber Stamp

This one I met through eHarmony and right off the bat I could tell she was going about dating all wrong.  She went for the phone call very early (which is cool) but during that first call she made it very apparent that she wanted kids, just without coming out and saying it.

“Well, when I raise my kids” – stuff like that.  The first call was then followed up by nightly texts “Can you call?” which came three times…

She also lied about her career, on her profile it said child care, but in person that turned into “collections agent”.  Any normal guy would have bailed, but I stayed the course.  One time she even blurted out “guys get scared and run away very easily” – and I am thinking “of course they do, you want kids tomorrow but have zero means to pay for them”.

Her dream job was to just turn “her” house into a daycare so she could raise her kids while making money looking after other kids as well.  Yes, all of this and we hadn’t even met yet!  Ahhhh, I can see it now, single income and coming home to 14 kids running around the house – this is what dreams are made of!!

This all happened alongside text messages like “What are you doing right now?”, “Where are you?”, “I guess you found someone else, huh?”, “Are we still meeting in an hour?”

She was nuts but the truth was I had been having a treacherous week with other stuff and having a date to look forward to seemed to take the edge off.

We set the date for Friday at 7pm to grab drinks then play mini-golf.  I arrived 10 minutes before and parked, I got a text from her that she was there and parked, on the opposite side of the parking lot, an honest mile away from where I was – facing a furniture store.  I was like, why the hell is she way over there??  She texted that she would walk over to meet me, I said OK, I’ll walk and meet you.

I walked, and walked – and walked.  I couldn’t see anyone.  I did a full lap and just headed back to my car, which was when I saw her walking around aimlessly staring into her phone.  I approached.  Right away no chemistry, as I knew there wouldn’t be the entire time.  This was one of those meetings where it’s like “oh cool, I am on a date with Nancy from HR” – just a mediocre girl with no sizzle.

I felt bad because she went for a hug but I was in the middle of asking her why she parked at the furniture store?  Which caught her off guard and I got an “I dunno” answer.  I said let’s go grab some food and then hit up the min-putt place, which she agreed.  She said she had already eaten but might get something to nibble on (I hadn’t eaten and was starving).  I ordered my food and she ordered mushroom quesadillas – weird, but whatever.

After eating two of them though (in near complete silence), she abruptly got up and quickly made her way to the ladies room.  Upon her return it was apparent all those mushrooms weren’t agreeing with her.  “My stomach is gurgling” ,”ordering that was a bad idea”

So we leave, I asked if she was still up for mini-golf and she said no, but could we go for a walk, or even better, a walk through the furniture store.

Uhh, thanks but no thanks, how about we just walk around outside.  We made a lap around a few buildings and she said that she’s better get going as she really wasn’t feeling well.  So I walked her over by her car and said “Well I am way over there, nice meeting you, byyyeee” and snuffed another 2 hug attempts from her.

#1 who even eats mushroom quesadilla on a first date?  And #2 even if you do and fall ill, try to stick it out for longer than 20 minutes.

One of two things happened, she used it as an excuse to bail, which is fine as its apparently blatant as day when I am uninterested no matter how hard I try to act like I am or she truly did get a little woozy feeling and wussed out to go back to the warm embrace of her mother (who she lived with, at 34).  Both are deal breakers.

All remnants deleted/blocked and that will be the first and last time I aim low.

In near disgust I hopped back in my car, feeling completely used/stupid for the $40 I had just spent on an absolute stranger and headed home to get drunk with friends.

 

A Bad Date Classic

dating in your 30's

Blog #13

Seeing as I can’t date with this nasty cold / flu thing going on (and have had to postpone my next date twice already) I’ve been thinking of something to post up, so it’ll be about a date that I had about 4 years ago, and oh yeah, it was BAD.

Lets just simply call her crazy lady.

I was on POF back then for a short period with a thrown together profile and was messaged by a girl that was about 3 years older than me.  We sent some messages back and forth and even chatted on the phone once or twice.  She looked fine in her pictures, brunette, curly hair and stood around 5′ 6″ and was “ok” on the phone.

We made arrangements to meet at a coffee shop in the city at 7:30 one summer evening a few days in advance and left it at that.

I made it to the coffee shop at 7:15 and proceeded to stand around waiting for her.  7:30 came and there was no sign of her, 7:45, 7:50 so I sent her a text “At the coffee shop, are you coming?”

I was hit back with a flurry of messages “OMG you’re there, but we never confirmed, did we?” – yeah, we did, on the phone.

She was still at work and said she’d be over as soon as possible.

I waited around until close to 8:30 when she speed walked her way up, half huffing and puffing and we said our hellos.  Our date was set to be one where we’d walk around the city and do whatever we felt like, as long as it didn’t involve sitting across from each other at a table somewhere, to stare at each other “like idiots”.

Alright.

My initial impression of her was that her 2-3 photos on POF were from when she was in her mid 20’s, but she was 32 in person and there were some differences.

Regardless, we began walking and only made it a few blocks before she told me she was starving and had to eat somewhere, so we dove into a restaurant and ordered some food.  Our plates came but the waitress had forgot to bring us our cutlery – right away she had her hand up, waving around “Ma’am! Ma’am!! (waitress was younger than she was) you forgot our cutlery, how are we supposed to eat without cutlery!”

That was the first warning shot.

Then I notice that what I’ve ordered isn’t what I thought it would be.  I ordered a salad with what I thought was chicken on top of it, but it came with some big slimy mushrooms and sauce all over it.  I ate a little of it that wasn’t covered in the sauce  and she took notice.

Do you not like it? – “Its ok, I already ate, don’t worry about it” I said.

Hand up again, Ma’am!, Ma’am!! He doesn’t like it!!  He doesn’t like it!

They took it back to the kitchen to “remove” the stuff I didn’t like and then brought it back, without cutlery.

Crazy lady now gets up and marches straight to the back, into the waitress area, and while staring at the waitress grabs some cutlery and heads back to the table.

I am in shock. – And so is everyone else in the place, including the bartender situated at the bar to the left behind me.

I refuse to even touch the food now, which has likely been spit on by every employee in the place, but pay for both anyway as I believe we’ve caused enough trouble already.  Now she’s answering phone calls, being loud and making plans with her friend on the phone “after her date”.  I am casually looking around for the front door – knowing that I have to bail soon – before she hangs up her phone and says that since I paid for the food, please allow her to buy us each a pint of beer.

“Sure”

The waitress takes our drink order over to the bartender and he fills up 2 glasses, and brings them over.  He hands one to her, then, with eye contact on me places mine in front of me and says loudly “Get that into you”.

Crazy lady FLIPS “What the hell is that supposed to mean!!” as the bartender walks away laughing his ass off, as well as me.

We drank those and left the restaurant then headed back toward the area where we’d come from – where the subway was – so I could leave.

As we approached the subway stairs and I was about to say my farewells she says “Hey, lets go into THAT bar right there, on me”

“Sure”.

We sat right at the bar and she ordered a pitcher of beer and I believe we had two of those.  I was now drunk.

She turns to me, right at the bar and says “I have to kiss you to see how attracted to you I am”

Huh? Right here?

“Yes”

F*ck it – full on make-out session right there at the (busy) bar.

From there I really don’t remember much, except making out with her on the subway platform waiting for the train to come, then her pouting eyes through the doors as I got on.  From the call at the restaurant she had “made plans” to meet her friend after me, but about 30 seconds after the train pulled away I realized that was BS and I’d just thrown away a one night stand with the craziest chick I’d ever been on a date with (so far).

Oh well.

And no, we never spoke again.