Guest Post: How I was an asshole the day before Valentines

So I’ve been relationship single for about a year, had a bounce around but that went to the side. My bud tells me that maybe I should try Match or something, so WTH I ‘giver a shot.

Girl chats me up on there talking how she likes a lot of the stuff I do. Sleds, 4-wheelers etc.

She was pretty cute, my picture was on there too so she knew what I looked like and it was a recent pic. Anyways we agree to meet. I let her know I gotta wake up early to help on a friends farm in the morning and I will have some hydraulic rams for his skidder in the box of my truck.

I agree to take her out to a nice steak house in my area, I am talking $50 tenderloin place and $5 drinks. She knows the place and is all exited saying she went there when she was a kid and knows they have awesome steak and its been a long time, so in my head I am thinking this is gonna go good.

Well she rolls up in a brand new Buick or something all cleaned up and mind you its -20 outside. My PSD (power stroke diesel) is rattling away covered in road salt. So I am feeling like an ass already.

I jump out and say “You ready to get some steak?” She says yes and we start rolling out, its a good 30 minute drive but she starts giving me the clues right away “how shes tired” and “tomorrow is a busy day for her” then starts in with saying opposites of what she liked before……..

So at this time I am just like WTF am I taking this broad out for?  I turn the truck around and start heading back the way we came. I know the side roads so she asks “how far is this place away?” I think she was wondering WTF was going on but she wasn’t gonna say it.  I kept it calm and cool asking about her kid and all that, then about some local racing she liked to watch.

I come in through the backside of where I picked her up and she realizes that were back where I picked her up.

She asks “why are we back here?”
I tell her “since you keep saying how you’re tired and you got a big day tomorrow I think I am just gonna make sure you get the sleep you need and get a good start for tomorrow”.

She looks right at me, with some evil eyes and opens the door and gets out.

I leave and go to the steakhouse that I was gonna take her to.  Spent the money I was going to spend on her on Captain and Root beers.

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Objects in Mirror….

We had been chatting for about a week before I suggested a place to meet up.  She only had two pictures, both from the shoulders/boobs up.  Her frame looked normal size so I thought nothing of it.

Curly haired Italian chick that told me she worked out every day – so I really had my guard down.

As I was driving to the meeting spot, she texted me that she was there and waiting, about 45 minutes early!  She said to let her know when I arrived, which I did before heading in – but I saw nobody that looked like her.

Right then I got a text, she had gone to the wrong location, big time.  She wasn’t even in the right city!  I laughed it off and waited for her to show…

I watched her pull in and exit her car and right then I knew I was in trouble.  She was 29, but the two pictures were clearly taken when she was 21 or 22 and she had changed a lot in that time frame.  She could have honestly said she was the girl’s mother and I would have bought it.  Much different face, significantly overweight and tired looking.

She also had something that looked like a rug draped over her shoulders, I assume to try and stay covered up or something.

I had one drink and left

 

 

The Rebounder

Dating a rebounder

It’s fun when you’ve dated enough to know what’s going to happen, before it happens and when dealing with a rebounder it’s never going to end well.

We met on match – the dating site that automatically renewed me for 3 additional months, when I was planning on taking the summer off from this craziness.  I was free, until I saw my credit card bill.  Ugh.

It starts with a check-in every few days, then responding to messages – and before you know it, you are right back in online dating hell.

We began chatting and everything seemed ok, she was totally normal.  That all came crashing down though when her answer to my question of when her last relationship was came back as “4 months ago”.  Even that turned out to be exaggerated because she had just moved out of their place 2 months ago, where they had lived together for 7 years.

She assured me she was over him, but I am sorry – that is impossible.

I stayed in it because she kept on insisting on coming over to my place – but even I am not that crazy for a first date, so we met half way.  We met in the parking lot and on our way into the bar she put her arm around my waist.  I had known her 10 seconds.

There was also the previous texting, which was also a dead giveaway that I was dealing with a rebounder (in denial).

Rebounders are easy to spot because they are trying to pick-up right where they left off with their ex.  The good morning texts, the deep conversations and apparently the public displays of affection.

After we had a drink at the bar we decided to go for a walk along the waterfront – she was holding my hand within a few minutes.  Who in the hell holds hands on a first date?

There was also lots and lots of kissing – which I enjoyed, but I never truly committed any feelings for her because I knew of the impending collapse.  She had asked to come to my area so we made a date then and there for a few days later.  This was great for me, because it would mean lots of hot sweaty sex.  She texted me when she got home from the date, the next morning, afternoon and night.

However, the day before our date she had gone silent.  Her last message was something along the lines of “Heading back to work now, I’ll text you later xoxoxox”

The next day, nothing.

The day of I sent a simple text, fully knowing she had very likely gone rebounder awol.

“are you still coming?”

Now usually I would never send something like that, but I had another girl asking me if we could meet that night – a very hot girl, that wasn’t on the rebound – so I needed to know.

Nope, not even a response to that.

A day later her dating profile was deleted too.

I make this post for no other reason than to warn you out there – dating sites are clogged with rebounders doing nothing but wasting the time of people who are ready to date and find a relationship so always ask when their last relationship was.  If its been recent or if they have to keep bringing up their ex – they aren’t over them yet.  If they aren’t over them, they aren’t ready to date and its only a matter of time before they figure that out.

 

 

 

The Usual, Alright Date.

Oh really, wow, great.

Oh really, wow, great.

The alright date – you know the one, you meet, have a decent conversation over a couple of drinks, chat about your careers, life, family, whatever – then pay the bill, end with a short hug in the parking lot  and never see or attempt to see each other ever again.

*Note – If she’s hot, the guy will always go for the 2nd date, just as an attempt to hook-up, but 9 times out of 10 she felt the same (and isn’t looking for hook-ups) will send you a polite rejection note, which you will laugh off.   This part seems very unclear for “20’s daters” especially women, who are into the guy, get railed once or twice and then ghosted.  That’s why.  No fireworks went off for both parties.

Anyways….

These regular, vanilla, “dates” are what make up the bulk of any dating life.

I’ve been on six of them since Christmas.  No butterflies, no fireworks – just a friendly piece of time spent with a stranger (lets call it what it is).

These are the ones that piss off your friends, making them call you “picky” or that you are wasting your time online dating overall.   “Well you better pick one of them, you’re getting older” – thanks for the inspiration!

So keep that in mind if you are venturing into the land of online dating – some dates will be awesome, some will royally suck – but most will just be alright, with someone you’d end up as friends with under any other circumstance – but you aren’t looking for friends.

 

Busy, Flaky – Or Testing? **Updated

texting-624x655-women-testing-men

Ahhhh – The things we all endure to pass the tests and let’s be honest – the barriers, put in place due to crazy ex’s from the pasts of our dates.  Usually.  Sometimes.  Most of the time – these are straight up tests.

What I am saying is for example, if her ex was a royal douche that flew off the handle when she didn’t reply to his texts within 5 minutes, and then you do the same – or even remind her of that behavior in the initial dating stages, such as not waiting for a reply and blowing up her phone instead – you’re done, son.  Stick a fork in it.

Say you pass the messaging and now she has accepted your offer to go on a date – and you reply with “I dunno where, you know any places?  What do you want to do?”

Game over for you, lazy ass.

Or one I read about recently – a guy sent a girl he’d been on ONE DATE with a text that read “thinking of you” and wondered why she ghosted his ass.

I write about this topic today because I have been playing a game of cat and mouse with a potential match and it’s really starting to get a little ridiculous.   She’s either extremely busy (high-end job, very possible), an aforementioned flake or what I am going with – she’s testing big time – and we haven’t even met!

This is a “list girl” and they are the cream of the crop from dating sites.

What is a list person, you ask?  Rather than making some forgettable dating profile and then aimlessly sending messages to randoms, you list out exactly what you are looking for in your profile description – and then wait for them to come to you.  This does require a different approach but can be extremely effective when done properly and I’ll explain the ins and outs another time.

Back to the list girl – she liked some of my pictures and made me a favorite.  9 times out of 10 this is someone who “thinks” they are a list person, but they are not.  This one, was bang on!   The next day I sent her a note and also liked her picture.  She was on everyday, and visited my profile daily – but took 3 days to respond initially and then another 24-48 hours to reply to the next couple messages, before asking if I’d like to chat on the phone.

If you read here much, you’ll know I hate the phone chat – in my opinion it does nothing but sap you of things to talk about in person, when, you know – it actually matters.  But I’ll do it if she insists as it could be a safety measure and I have no problem with that.  When she asked for the call I said sure, and gave her my number and told her I am around most evenings.

Again a couple of days go by and then one night I get a text just as I am heading to bed, asking how my day was or something.  I replied the next day and said I could give her a call that night (tonight) and she agreed right away – cool, or so I thought.

I call up and get the answering machine – to just hang up would be wrong – so I left a nice message, hey its me, I’ll be up for a while, call me etc.

Its been 3 hours – Nothing.

A newb to this online dating stuff will have no idea what I am talking about here, but veterans know exactly what’s up and how many tests I’ve passed just to be where I am.  I read a cool article the other day (go into your WP readers and just search “dating” there is some great stuff in there) about how a guy can get 100 “atta boy’s” from the girl he’s dating, but if he gets one “uh oh” it’s over. done. finished.

So keep that in mind – busy, flaky or testing – and always stay aware!  Especially with your list people – and about that, check out the post old single bitter drunk made on the subject here.

As for what will happen with this particular one here?  I’ll get a text from her tomorrow with some sort of excuse with an offer of her to call me later that evening, which she will do and I will make the date, and then post about it later.

Well, if my calculations are correct, anyway.

*Update – Within minutes of posting this, she sent me a note on the dating site (that’s odd when we’ve been texting), acknowledging that she missed my call, last minute family dinner, will text me tomorrow to set a time for a call.  I was close….

** Update #2 – She ended up calling me and we actually had a very nice hour long conversation, and I even told her why I don’t like the calls or texting before meeting.  She agreed, and had been burned before by it herself – but as I figured, it was a safety measure.   At the end of the  call I set a date  in the city on the following Tuesday night.  “yes, I’d like that, I’d like that very much” was her response.   The only odd thing during the call was when I told her one of my recent dates showed up 3 times bigger than her pictures portrayed – she goes “full disclosure, I’ve gained 15lbs since my pictures”.  Her pictures are all very hot, I don’t care about 15lbs – I told her I appreciated her telling me that, but it wasn’t necessary.

Then I get this the day we were supposed to meet the first time 

1st

I had been sick the week before, so I sympathized with her and agreed to meet Friday.

Today is Friday, this morning I get this

2nd

I really wanted to bail at this point, but now I want to know why she’s really been putting this off – during our texting I went on Match and noticed that she removed ALL of her previous pictures and has replaced them with ones where she still looks good, but not as good as before – could that be the reason, along with the 15lbs warning from before?  I tried to FB stalk her but I found nothing  – all I found was a LinkedIn head shot.   Anyways I am more or less into this just for research (and blogging) at this point.  I’ve agreed to meet her on Monday.  Any bets that she bails on that one too?

3rdFor part two – CLICK HERE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Shape Shifter

30s dating

This was the first date back in action, we met on Match.  Her pics were good, she seemed really cool and after about a week of messaging we decided to meet up.

I drove over to her area on a Friday evening and awaited her arrival at the coffee joint.  This was actually the first time I’d arrived early and had to order for myself.  After about 10 minutes she showed – pretty face, but bigger hips and thighs than I had been expecting.  I like curves, but not chubby, pudgy, stocky, “a few extra pounds” or whatever else you might call it.  I am a slender guy myself, so this is just natural.  I am not looking to be like Kermit and Ms Piggy here either…

Anyways, I figured we’d have a coffee, probably grab a beer and that would be it.

We went to bar #1 which was way too loud and busy, so I asked if there were any around where we could play pool or video games.  There was, right across the street.

Drink, drinks…..more drinks

We’re making out in the middle of the semi-empty bar, like idiots.

I suggest going back to my car, we do.  More making out ensues, then we go into the back seat…no sex, but pretty much.  If you know what I mean.

Now I walk her back to her car “Are you going to at least ask me for my number” -oops, all the previous convo had been on the site alone.  So I do.

We text a few more times during the week and we decide to meet up again the next Friday.

I pull up to her place to pick her up, she invites me in, I go inside.

BAM!

Who the F&%^* is this???

She looked way bigger, shapeless, way less stylish, not sexy at all and overall just…. Tired.

I mentally check-out right then – but we still went on our planned dinner date, which was quick and filled with awkward silences.  We then stopped at a bar for beer – not even that helped.

Oddly enough I think our female waitress had even figured it out, because when my date went to the washroom I motioned her to bring me the bill and the debit machine.  She brought that thing over quicker than a lightning bolt and quickly entered everything, while constantly looking over at the washroom door – almost like I was going to pay and then try for a hasty escape!  Ha!

No, I am not that shallow.

Then as I pull up to her place she invites me in for a beer, followed with “but you don’t have to”

I go in and she gives me a beer, before she curled up on the couch, certainly expecting part 2 of what went down on the back seat of the car.

Me to myself: I can’t do this.

I briefly explain to her that I am tired and should just hit the road – and I did after extremely awkward small talk while putting on my shoes and jacket.

Haven’t heard from her since, I am sure she got the message.

On another note I have a half dozen others already lined up, so we should have some decent content coming up.

Enjoy!

The Bad Idea

BORING Rubber Stamp

This one I met through eHarmony and right off the bat I could tell she was going about dating all wrong.  She went for the phone call very early (which is cool) but during that first call she made it very apparent that she wanted kids, just without coming out and saying it.

“Well, when I raise my kids” – stuff like that.  The first call was then followed up by nightly texts “Can you call?” which came three times…

She also lied about her career, on her profile it said child care, but in person that turned into “collections agent”.  Any normal guy would have bailed, but I stayed the course.  One time she even blurted out “guys get scared and run away very easily” – and I am thinking “of course they do, you want kids tomorrow but have zero means to pay for them”.

Her dream job was to just turn “her” house into a daycare so she could raise her kids while making money looking after other kids as well.  Yes, all of this and we hadn’t even met yet!  Ahhhh, I can see it now, single income and coming home to 14 kids running around the house – this is what dreams are made of!!

This all happened alongside text messages like “What are you doing right now?”, “Where are you?”, “I guess you found someone else, huh?”, “Are we still meeting in an hour?”

She was nuts but the truth was I had been having a treacherous week with other stuff and having a date to look forward to seemed to take the edge off.

We set the date for Friday at 7pm to grab drinks then play mini-golf.  I arrived 10 minutes before and parked, I got a text from her that she was there and parked, on the opposite side of the parking lot, an honest mile away from where I was – facing a furniture store.  I was like, why the hell is she way over there??  She texted that she would walk over to meet me, I said OK, I’ll walk and meet you.

I walked, and walked – and walked.  I couldn’t see anyone.  I did a full lap and just headed back to my car, which was when I saw her walking around aimlessly staring into her phone.  I approached.  Right away no chemistry, as I knew there wouldn’t be the entire time.  This was one of those meetings where it’s like “oh cool, I am on a date with Nancy from HR” – just a mediocre girl with no sizzle.

I felt bad because she went for a hug but I was in the middle of asking her why she parked at the furniture store?  Which caught her off guard and I got an “I dunno” answer.  I said let’s go grab some food and then hit up the min-putt place, which she agreed.  She said she had already eaten but might get something to nibble on (I hadn’t eaten and was starving).  I ordered my food and she ordered mushroom quesadillas – weird, but whatever.

After eating two of them though (in near complete silence), she abruptly got up and quickly made her way to the ladies room.  Upon her return it was apparent all those mushrooms weren’t agreeing with her.  “My stomach is gurgling” ,”ordering that was a bad idea”

So we leave, I asked if she was still up for mini-golf and she said no, but could we go for a walk, or even better, a walk through the furniture store.

Uhh, thanks but no thanks, how about we just walk around outside.  We made a lap around a few buildings and she said that she’s better get going as she really wasn’t feeling well.  So I walked her over by her car and said “Well I am way over there, nice meeting you, byyyeee” and snuffed another 2 hug attempts from her.

#1 who even eats mushroom quesadilla on a first date?  And #2 even if you do and fall ill, try to stick it out for longer than 20 minutes.

One of two things happened, she used it as an excuse to bail, which is fine as its apparently blatant as day when I am uninterested no matter how hard I try to act like I am or she truly did get a little woozy feeling and wussed out to go back to the warm embrace of her mother (who she lived with, at 34).  Both are deal breakers.

All remnants deleted/blocked and that will be the first and last time I aim low.

In near disgust I hopped back in my car, feeling completely used/stupid for the $40 I had just spent on an absolute stranger and headed home to get drunk with friends.