Guest Post: How I was an asshole the day before Valentines

So I’ve been relationship single for about a year, had a bounce around but that went to the side. My bud tells me that maybe I should try Match or something, so WTH I ‘giver a shot.

Girl chats me up on there talking how she likes a lot of the stuff I do. Sleds, 4-wheelers etc.

She was pretty cute, my picture was on there too so she knew what I looked like and it was a recent pic. Anyways we agree to meet. I let her know I gotta wake up early to help on a friends farm in the morning and I will have some hydraulic rams for his skidder in the box of my truck.

I agree to take her out to a nice steak house in my area, I am talking $50 tenderloin place and $5 drinks. She knows the place and is all exited saying she went there when she was a kid and knows they have awesome steak and its been a long time, so in my head I am thinking this is gonna go good.

Well she rolls up in a brand new Buick or something all cleaned up and mind you its -20 outside. My PSD (power stroke diesel) is rattling away covered in road salt. So I am feeling like an ass already.

I jump out and say “You ready to get some steak?” She says yes and we start rolling out, its a good 30 minute drive but she starts giving me the clues right away “how shes tired” and “tomorrow is a busy day for her” then starts in with saying opposites of what she liked before……..

So at this time I am just like WTF am I taking this broad out for?  I turn the truck around and start heading back the way we came. I know the side roads so she asks “how far is this place away?” I think she was wondering WTF was going on but she wasn’t gonna say it.  I kept it calm and cool asking about her kid and all that, then about some local racing she liked to watch.

I come in through the backside of where I picked her up and she realizes that were back where I picked her up.

She asks “why are we back here?”
I tell her “since you keep saying how you’re tired and you got a big day tomorrow I think I am just gonna make sure you get the sleep you need and get a good start for tomorrow”.

She looks right at me, with some evil eyes and opens the door and gets out.

I leave and go to the steakhouse that I was gonna take her to.  Spent the money I was going to spend on her on Captain and Root beers.

A Male Bumble Review

Welcome to bumble

I know that I said I hated free dating apps and sites, but a few days ago I bit the bullet and downloaded Bumble.  I also had to make a dummy Facebook account because I tossed my original one into the trash 5 years ago.

For those that don’t know, its a swipe app and after you are matched, the woman has to reply first within 24hrs of matching, and we have to reply back within 24hrs or you lose your shot.

Observation #1 is that almost all of the girls on it are beautiful – my initial run through had me literally trying to find ones that weren’t right-swipe worthy, and it was hard.  But I digress, looks alone are great in your 20’s but I desire a wee bit more than that in my 30’s and unless they tell you about themselves in the short bio, you are left to go off nothing but looks, location, age and (optional) career + education.

How about height?  I am 6 foot and don’t want to swipe on anyone taller.

Religion? I love and celebrate Christmas and other Christian holidays and its an instant deal breaker if you don’t.

Body type?  Self explanatory.

The other issue here is the widely discussed algorithm they have in place for men.  When I first signed up and started swiping I got about 5 or 6 matches and was messaged by 3 ladies.  Pretty normal I thought, until later on I realized I had swiped hundreds of profiles and the matches all but stopped – and I wanted to know why so I did some digging.

Basically, new male members are sent to the bottom of the barrel and have to work their way up to be shown to the more popular members based on how many right swipes we get over time.  I assume the first batch of matches I got was a little taste of the top to convince me to not insta-delete the app out of frustration.  From my research other men experienced the same thing right after signing up.

Fair enough I thought, over a week or so I should have generated enough right swipes to be “in the show” but even this was flawed.  Apparently many men right swipe everyone which in-turn makes almost every right swipe for women a match which bogs down the entire system.  It could be weeks or months before a girl I right-swiped on today even comes across my profile.

I’ve also scrolled though at least 15 previous dates hanging out on here so this has been like a reunion, with a left swipe adios.

I am at 4 days in and I get 1, maybe 2 matches a day and I have pretty much stopped swiping so it can catch up.  Oh, I take it you have noticed the image up there – here’s another

It’s not just guys……

UPDATE: 4/15/17

I am now finally getting quality matches, I assume I qualified to Bumbles standards?  Women I match with tend to message within the hour or not at all.  I will updated later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Hot Pizza

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I believe this particular sassy brunette was all but finished with online dating, like most people are in the waning months of a dating site subscription left to linger.  She would take literal days to reply until finally offering me her number as she flat-out “never checked the dating app anymore.”

Been there.

From there we agreed on a pizza date at a place I had never been to before.  We met inside the place and she was well presented.  Perhaps her photos were 3-4 years old but nothing to complain about.  The only thing I can complain about was the pizza.  It was essentially hot sauce, cheese and honey – yes, honey.  Between burning my mouth and lips I also had sticky fingers.  I hate all 3.

From there we went to grab a drink at a really cool bar and we had a great conversation filled with laughs.  This wasn’t like a date, it was like a reunion with that friendly acquaintance that you only use to chat with in the high school smoking section and nowhere else.

Before parting ways we kissed and she said “let’s do this again soon!” and I agreed.

I even set the date for the following weekend, but I truthfully wasn’t really into it after a few days had gone by – while we indeed had a good time I don’t think enough was there to warrant the work involved with meeting again .  The morning of, like she was telepathic, texted me a cancellation saying that after work it was just too much to head back into the city and that she just wasn’t up for it.  I respectfully let her know it was no problem at all and to take care.

Second dates should only happen if you had such an amazing first that you can’t wait for the second and can’t stop thinking about the person  – not out of boredom or “what if”.

The Curvy Blonde

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We met for a coffee in her part of the city and while our conversation flowed nicely, I wasn’t sure if I was all that attracted to her.  After coffee we went to another spot for food before I dropped her off.  A few days later she called me and asked if I would like to see her again – I said sure and set a time that I would pick her up and we would drive around and find a spot to chill at.

The reason I was more or less open to a 2nd date with her was because she stayed all covered up during the 1st and I really had no idea of what type of body she had and I wanted to see the goods.

Date day arrives and I drive to pick her up, meeting her at her front door.  We drove to a busy part of the city, parked the car and walked until we found a weird little hipster paradise that managed to screw up simple bacon and eggs.  Highlight moment was when she managed to spray her entire front-side with hot sauce while trying to get it to come out of the bottle – it looked like a crime scene and smelled absolutely horrid.

After eating (and her cleaning herself up with 400 napkins and a few trips to the ladies room) we left to go for another walk but soon ended up back at her place.

We had tea and watched TV but she made it clear that her bedroom was strictly off limits!  We kissed and played around before I called it a day and went home – knowing I wouldn’t be seeing her again.  She had a very structured vibe about herself and a little controlling which I don’t like.

She texted a few times before I told her there just wasn’t enough chemistry – just not enough click.  She rebutted that clearly all I wanted was sex and I just deleted the message.  No, I don’t go out on two dates with you, pay for everything all in the weak attempt to “use you” for sex.  If I wanted that I would have met her again, but I am not here to waste anyones time, including my own.

 

 

The Rebounder

Dating a rebounder

It’s fun when you’ve dated enough to know what’s going to happen, before it happens and when dealing with a rebounder it’s never going to end well.

We met on match – the dating site that automatically renewed me for 3 additional months, when I was planning on taking the summer off from this craziness.  I was free, until I saw my credit card bill.  Ugh.

It starts with a check-in every few days, then responding to messages – and before you know it, you are right back in online dating hell.

We began chatting and everything seemed ok, she was totally normal.  That all came crashing down though when her answer to my question of when her last relationship was came back as “4 months ago”.  Even that turned out to be exaggerated because she had just moved out of their place 2 months ago, where they had lived together for 7 years.

She assured me she was over him, but I am sorry – that is impossible.

I stayed in it because she kept on insisting on coming over to my place – but even I am not that crazy for a first date, so we met half way.  We met in the parking lot and on our way into the bar she put her arm around my waist.  I had known her 10 seconds.

There was also the previous texting, which was also a dead giveaway that I was dealing with a rebounder (in denial).

Rebounders are easy to spot because they are trying to pick-up right where they left off with their ex.  The good morning texts, the deep conversations and apparently the public displays of affection.

After we had a drink at the bar we decided to go for a walk along the waterfront – she was holding my hand within a few minutes.  Who in the hell holds hands on a first date?

There was also lots and lots of kissing – which I enjoyed, but I never truly committed any feelings for her because I knew of the impending collapse.  She had asked to come to my area so we made a date then and there for a few days later.  This was great for me, because it would mean lots of hot sweaty sex.  She texted me when she got home from the date, the next morning, afternoon and night.

However, the day before our date she had gone silent.  Her last message was something along the lines of “Heading back to work now, I’ll text you later xoxoxox”

The next day, nothing.

The day of I sent a simple text, fully knowing she had very likely gone rebounder awol.

“are you still coming?”

Now usually I would never send something like that, but I had another girl asking me if we could meet that night – a very hot girl, that wasn’t on the rebound – so I needed to know.

Nope, not even a response to that.

A day later her dating profile was deleted too.

I make this post for no other reason than to warn you out there – dating sites are clogged with rebounders doing nothing but wasting the time of people who are ready to date and find a relationship so always ask when their last relationship was.  If its been recent or if they have to keep bringing up their ex – they aren’t over them yet.  If they aren’t over them, they aren’t ready to date and its only a matter of time before they figure that out.

 

 

 

My First Online Date (2002) Part 2

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So where were we…

Oh yeah, in her bedroom and I left soon after.  If memory serves correct I think we met up in the city once or twice more, hung out at her place a couple more nights and then I screwed it all up.

I was to meet her at her place at 10pm and on my drive there I got a call from one of my good northern friends that a few of them were in the city at another friends place and to come over.  Which I did.  We ended up at a bar and we didn’t get back until 1:00 or 2:00am – I told her I was now on my way, and she basically told me to go f^ck myself.  Lol.

Now a little more back story on her, she dealt with depression and was bi-polar – so our little fight was a huge deal.  I remember going back onto the primitive chat site and she’d be on there posing as a guy, under fake names, being a weirdo.  She accused me of “holding a grudge” when we finally started chatting again.  Not long after this I “upgraded” my phone..

unlock-samsung-a520And it was an absolute nightmare to type on!  I also quit the factory job soon after and pretty much had no more need to chat with random strangers for hours on end anymore.  I did keep in touch with T though, she eventually went back to school, which I thought was amazing, but when I connected with her again in around 2004 she told me she “got depressed and dropped out”.

A few more years went by and I found her on Facebook around 2007.  I asked her how it was going, she said she was a happy “stay at home mom”.  I thought great!  But in our chats it was revealed that the home was her boyfriends moms basement somewhere in the middle of nowhere and that she wasn’t very happy at all.

She deleted her FB account not long after that and I can find no trace of her online anywhere.

So there you have it, my very first online date ever.

The End.

 

 

Quit Treating Your Date Like She’s Already Your Girlfriend

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I recently read about a guy seeking “help” after his first date with a girl went completely sideways.  This moron, for lack of better term, took the girl to the mall and had 12 children each walk up to her and hand her a red rose – from him.

Yeah.

And he was wondering why she bolted to the hills and blocked his number.  And while this is clearly an extreme case of said epidemic, guys fall into this trap all too often.  Not just with actions either, it’s usually words that will cause the lady to run away – most times before even meeting.  Ever had a girl cancel your date 10 minutes before, because her brothers, best friends sisters rabbit got sick?

Then you have fallen into the trap – and its all you buddy.

To go on 1, 2 or 8 initial dates with someone new is really no different from when you met your best friend.  Did you tell them they were your best friend, buy them a gift and then blow up their phone all before they had a chance to get home right after you first met?  If you did then they aren’t your best friend – that person would have a restraining order on you.

Understand that women are emotional beings, while we idiots are visual.

Too deep?  Ok.

Women are crock pots, men are microwaves – make sense?  They need time for their feelings to develop.  This is where the old “wait 3 days until after the date to call her” came from in order to let her feelings develop.   The other benefit of this, is that all beings look back after time with less than perfect vision – tending to remember the good, and not the bad.  That’s where the “no contact rule” after a break up came from – and they both exist because they work. 

Thinking that you need to “do something” during these periods is to dig your own grave.  Why would a successful guy that has tons of options really care that much anyways?

Notice how the girls you don’t like chase you, but the ones you do like run away?  This is why – it’s because you are treating them differently.   The other example is men are like dogs and women are like cats – what does a cat do if you make sudden actions around them?  They run.  Now what does a cat do in which you ignore – it hops into your lap and starts to purr.

So meet to get to know her and have fun, ask questions, show interest, kiss her on the lips and then take a breather before running her off.

 

 

The Shape Shifter

30s dating

This was the first date back in action, we met on Match.  Her pics were good, she seemed really cool and after about a week of messaging we decided to meet up.

I drove over to her area on a Friday evening and awaited her arrival at the coffee joint.  This was actually the first time I’d arrived early and had to order for myself.  After about 10 minutes she showed – pretty face, but bigger hips and thighs than I had been expecting.  I like curves, but not chubby, pudgy, stocky, “a few extra pounds” or whatever else you might call it.  I am a slender guy myself, so this is just natural.  I am not looking to be like Kermit and Ms Piggy here either…

Anyways, I figured we’d have a coffee, probably grab a beer and that would be it.

We went to bar #1 which was way too loud and busy, so I asked if there were any around where we could play pool or video games.  There was, right across the street.

Drink, drinks…..more drinks

We’re making out in the middle of the semi-empty bar, like idiots.

I suggest going back to my car, we do.  More making out ensues, then we go into the back seat…no sex, but pretty much.  If you know what I mean.

Now I walk her back to her car “Are you going to at least ask me for my number” -oops, all the previous convo had been on the site alone.  So I do.

We text a few more times during the week and we decide to meet up again the next Friday.

I pull up to her place to pick her up, she invites me in, I go inside.

BAM!

Who the F&%^* is this???

She looked way bigger, shapeless, way less stylish, not sexy at all and overall just…. Tired.

I mentally check-out right then – but we still went on our planned dinner date, which was quick and filled with awkward silences.  We then stopped at a bar for beer – not even that helped.

Oddly enough I think our female waitress had even figured it out, because when my date went to the washroom I motioned her to bring me the bill and the debit machine.  She brought that thing over quicker than a lightning bolt and quickly entered everything, while constantly looking over at the washroom door – almost like I was going to pay and then try for a hasty escape!  Ha!

No, I am not that shallow.

Then as I pull up to her place she invites me in for a beer, followed with “but you don’t have to”

I go in and she gives me a beer, before she curled up on the couch, certainly expecting part 2 of what went down on the back seat of the car.

Me to myself: I can’t do this.

I briefly explain to her that I am tired and should just hit the road – and I did after extremely awkward small talk while putting on my shoes and jacket.

Haven’t heard from her since, I am sure she got the message.

On another note I have a half dozen others already lined up, so we should have some decent content coming up.

Enjoy!