Guest Post: How I was an asshole the day before Valentines

So I’ve been relationship single for about a year, had a bounce around but that went to the side. My bud tells me that maybe I should try Match or something, so WTH I ‘giver a shot.

Girl chats me up on there talking how she likes a lot of the stuff I do. Sleds, 4-wheelers etc.

She was pretty cute, my picture was on there too so she knew what I looked like and it was a recent pic. Anyways we agree to meet. I let her know I gotta wake up early to help on a friends farm in the morning and I will have some hydraulic rams for his skidder in the box of my truck.

I agree to take her out to a nice steak house in my area, I am talking $50 tenderloin place and $5 drinks. She knows the place and is all exited saying she went there when she was a kid and knows they have awesome steak and its been a long time, so in my head I am thinking this is gonna go good.

Well she rolls up in a brand new Buick or something all cleaned up and mind you its -20 outside. My PSD (power stroke diesel) is rattling away covered in road salt. So I am feeling like an ass already.

I jump out and say “You ready to get some steak?” She says yes and we start rolling out, its a good 30 minute drive but she starts giving me the clues right away “how shes tired” and “tomorrow is a busy day for her” then starts in with saying opposites of what she liked before……..

So at this time I am just like WTF am I taking this broad out for?  I turn the truck around and start heading back the way we came. I know the side roads so she asks “how far is this place away?” I think she was wondering WTF was going on but she wasn’t gonna say it.  I kept it calm and cool asking about her kid and all that, then about some local racing she liked to watch.

I come in through the backside of where I picked her up and she realizes that were back where I picked her up.

She asks “why are we back here?”
I tell her “since you keep saying how you’re tired and you got a big day tomorrow I think I am just gonna make sure you get the sleep you need and get a good start for tomorrow”.

She looks right at me, with some evil eyes and opens the door and gets out.

I leave and go to the steakhouse that I was gonna take her to.  Spent the money I was going to spend on her on Captain and Root beers.

A Male Bumble Review

Welcome to bumble

I know that I said I hated free dating apps and sites, but a few days ago I bit the bullet and downloaded Bumble.  I also had to make a dummy Facebook account because I tossed my original one into the trash 5 years ago.

For those that don’t know, its a swipe app and after you are matched, the woman has to reply first within 24hrs of matching, and we have to reply back within 24hrs or you lose your shot.

Observation #1 is that almost all of the girls on it are beautiful – my initial run through had me literally trying to find ones that weren’t right-swipe worthy, and it was hard.  But I digress, looks alone are great in your 20’s but I desire a wee bit more than that in my 30’s and unless they tell you about themselves in the short bio, you are left to go off nothing but looks, location, age and (optional) career + education.

How about height?  I am 6 foot and don’t want to swipe on anyone taller.

Religion? I love and celebrate Christmas and other Christian holidays and its an instant deal breaker if you don’t.

Body type?  Self explanatory.

The other issue here is the widely discussed algorithm they have in place for men.  When I first signed up and started swiping I got about 5 or 6 matches and was messaged by 3 ladies.  Pretty normal I thought, until later on I realized I had swiped hundreds of profiles and the matches all but stopped – and I wanted to know why so I did some digging.

Basically, new male members are sent to the bottom of the barrel and have to work their way up to be shown to the more popular members based on how many right swipes we get over time.  I assume the first batch of matches I got was a little taste of the top to convince me to not insta-delete the app out of frustration.  From my research other men experienced the same thing right after signing up.

Fair enough I thought, over a week or so I should have generated enough right swipes to be “in the show” but even this was flawed.  Apparently many men right swipe everyone which in-turn makes almost every right swipe for women a match which bogs down the entire system.  It could be weeks or months before a girl I right-swiped on today even comes across my profile.

I’ve also scrolled though at least 15 previous dates hanging out on here so this has been like a reunion, with a left swipe adios.

I am at 4 days in and I get 1, maybe 2 matches a day and I have pretty much stopped swiping so it can catch up.  Oh, I take it you have noticed the image up there – here’s another

It’s not just guys……

UPDATE: 4/15/17

I am now finally getting quality matches, I assume I qualified to Bumbles standards?  Women I match with tend to message within the hour or not at all.  I will updated later.

Final Update:

I didn’t like it, whenever I was messaging with a girl I could tell I was just one of many dudes she was juggling.  Lots of one word answers, not asking me questions on top of the aforementioned algorithm debacle makes me have to give this app two thumbs down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fall Fling

We met on match the last go-round back in the early fall of 2016 – it was during my last week on the site before a long wanted break.  She was blonde, nicely built, act together – own house, new car, good job etc.  I drove to her town which was about 40 mins west of the GTA to meet at a restaurant for tapas and drinks (you can never go wrong with tapas, gents).

She showed up looking hot in a nice dress and sun glasses – and we quickly got along.

After eating I shot for the usual “wanna go for a walk?” and off we went.  We then ended up sitting on a bench talking about our teen and 20’s jobs – comparing who had done more.  I won, barely – then either she or I suggested going for a drive – both not about to cut this short.  I use to live in the area and know all the back-roads and hidden gems – but she directed us back to her place first.  She gave me a nice tour of her extremely well decorated home before we hopped in her car and headed out for our country drive.

I knew of a cool lake-side marina / restaurant so that was our first stop and it blew her away – mainly because of its proximity to her home and she had no idea it even existed.  We had a couple of drinks and were soon back on our tour.

I had high hopes but as she got more comfortable with me, she began opening up too much and too soon.  Her family issues, hating her father and not caring when he died, renting a room to a college kid and the issues with that, her mother, sister, multiple work issues – the negativity started way too soon and started dripping water on the small flame that had literally just started two hours ago between us.

It was in the midst of this and our tour that we cut it short and pointed the stern back towards her place.  We got there, said our farewells and I headed home.

As I drove I didn’t really know what to think – but I was for sure going to give her another shot, hoping the negative ramblings would end in the future.  Prior girls had hinted at issues on first dates before – but nothing like that unloading.

We were quickly in-touch again and she said dinner was on her, back in her town – I was game.  I picked her up and we went to a very nice old little house that had been converted to a restaurant.  We sat at  a table for two in the backyard dodging falling acorns, which was funny.  It was a very nice time.

Then we ended up back at her place – and within minutes in her bed.  We left dinner around 9pm and I was headed home when we were done around 2am. Holy shit was she loud – no word of a lie she woke the entire block and when I mentioned it, she didn’t even care (lol).  I only left purely to avoid the morning rush – at around 6am the normal 40 min drive home would turn into 2 or 3 hours and she had to work in the morning anyway.

We set the next date at my place – for Friday night – and then we would spend the long weekend together leaving the next day on a road trip to a lake Huron beach / party town.  We had fun at my place going for a nice waterfront waltz and then  making poutine together.

The next day we set out on our 3-4 hour drive, stopping for food at road-side greasy spoons and grabbing snacks at bakery’s before  getting there just in time to grab the last available hotel room in the entire town.

We then went to the beach where she swam and I managed to get burnt to a crisp before heading back into the town to buy booze, head back to the room, order pizza and spend time in the hot tub and pool together.  At the beach I did abruptly remind her to stop talking about work bullshit and to enjoy the moment – she gave me a deer in the headlights look initially, but quickly agreed and was on-board.

We spent the rest of the night between the hot tub / pool and hanging out on the patio drinking and eating pizza outside the sliding glass door behind our room – and having intense, extremely loud sex sprinkled in-between.

That drunken night we had a bit of a spat – I said I didn’t like her negativity and she yelled at me saying it hurt her to say that – so I nipped it in the bud, hoping she would too.

I then knew this was just a fling – I loved the fun we were having but long-term this thing wasn’t happening – we were simply incompatible.  Things like this are fun – but facing each other on Monday morning in the real world??  Whatever it was I had checked out.

The next morning we headed home, me thinking home too, but she insisted we just go back to her place again for the night.  Being done with it, I was a little uneasy staying another night – but I went with it (my car was still at my place).  We stopped for groceries and bought ingredients to make tacos.

-enter another multi hour session-

In the morning I drove back to my place, gave her a kiss, hopped out and I watched her drive away.

How do I get out of this??

Easy – she peppered me with more emotional texts asking for drives to places over an hour away during working hours “I thought I could count on you” etc.  I simply told her we are incompatible – I had fun, but this is done.  She sent many texts back thanking me for not leading her on, she could slow down if I wanted etc. Called and left messages..

Even a month later.

We had technically only been on 5 dates – I’d be cool with it under other circumstances – and I am leaving lots out but I am not here to bash people.

We were just not a match.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Types Of Toronto Women

The landed world traveler

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She literally landed from you-name-it within months or even weeks.  Australia, anywhere in Europe, Asia, middle east, helping starving kids in Africa, whatever else and even next door US.  She has many stories, nothing crazy, but has chosen Toronto to settle and start a family.  Except it’s not that simple honey.  I am usually one of their first realizations to this – never the last.  I avoid them now as they are usually worse than re-bounders with their false timelines and expectations.  This person lives in a bubble.

The Lawyer

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Oh the lawyers.  From recent grads to juniors and  law firm partners, I’ve met them all on dates.  It’s funny too, as the partner is far more relaxed and open than the junior is.  Almost all agree that they bit off more than they could chew and seriously hate the job.

The born and bred city girl

(KIKA) - BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton non riesce proprio a passare inosservata. La bionda ereditiera anche durante una passeggiata a Beverly Hills non ha rinunciato a sfoggiare un look glamour composto abbinando un miniabito nero ai collant, stampati come fossero un paio di autoreggenti, in tinta con il giubbino e le scarpe di vernice dal tacco alto. Per completare il tutto Paris Hilton ha abbinato un bauletto argentato della sua collezione e i grandi occhiali da sole griffati Prada. *** Local Caption ***

Not many dates with this one, they tend to repent me.  I grew up bouncing between south western Ontario and Muskoka, a “country boy” if you will and the city chicks don’t jive with it, nor do I with them. Include Oakville.

 

The non city girl

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This is the one I have the best success with – All surrounding towns and cities are open season, as close as Milton to the west, Pickering to the east and Bradford to the north.  They are so much more real, legit and free.  Canadian country boys also have a deep unknown bond and connection with southern girls from the US that needs further exploration.

The work bitch

Business Communication - Angry Woman

When I moved to the city back in 2008 I couldn’t fathom the amount of workplace back stabbing, bullshit and distrust among people in the corporate workforce.  And after a few years you could pin it on one or a few bitches.  I’d call them out on their bs routinely – these are deeply disturbed idiots acting out and disrupting  entire companies.  Anyone that has worked in an office knows who I am talking about.

That aside – they are also single and dating (imagine my surprise).  The feeling is weird when the work bitch from another company is now in hot pursuit of you.  Remember opposites attract, or better sense, polarity attracts.  They usually have severe daddy issues, bang on the first date and stalk when you don’t call back, you’ve been warned.

 

 

 

 

 

The Hot Momma

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I’ll be straight, I really don’t date women with kids – not because I am against it, it’s because most of the single women around here simply don’t have any.  But way back when I started this journey I went on a 2nd date where my date brought her 5-year-old niece and we went ice skating, where I promptly ended up having more fun with the niece than I did my date! (I helped her learn to skate better and was then greeted by about 100 women within a mile on how cute me and my “daughter” were)  So I have always been open to the idea, it just rarely presents itself.

We met on Match and where it says kids yes/no it just said yes – which means one kid, if there are more it’ll say 2, 3 – whatever.

We met for wine and tapas – she was gorgeous and we had amazing conversation.  But this was where I learned that she had two kids.  I didn’t let that get in the way of our nice evening together though.  She said that she had tried dating a year before, but it was too soon after her divorce so she took more time to herself – which I commended her for, nobody likes a re-bounder 😉

We then went to quiet pub and snuggled into a booth for pints, it wasn’t long before I was on her side and you can assume the rest.  No I didn’t bring her back to my place.  She said we could do that next time, but I would never do that to a single mother without full intentions of a relationship, so after a few pleasant texts we drifted apart and a week later I deleted her phone number from my phone.

The Hot Pizza

hot-pizza-date

I believe this particular sassy brunette was all but finished with online dating, like most people are in the waning months of a dating site subscription left to linger.  She would take literal days to reply until finally offering me her number as she flat-out “never checked the dating app anymore.”

Been there.

From there we agreed on a pizza date at a place I had never been to before.  We met inside the place and she was well presented.  Perhaps her photos were 3-4 years old but nothing to complain about.  The only thing I can complain about was the pizza.  It was essentially hot sauce, cheese and honey – yes, honey.  Between burning my mouth and lips I also had sticky fingers.  I hate all 3.

From there we went to grab a drink at a really cool bar and we had a great conversation filled with laughs.  This wasn’t like a date, it was like a reunion with that friendly acquaintance that you only use to chat with in the high school smoking section and nowhere else.

Before parting ways we kissed and she said “let’s do this again soon!” and I agreed.

I even set the date for the following weekend, but I truthfully wasn’t really into it after a few days had gone by – while we indeed had a good time I don’t think enough was there to warrant the work involved with meeting again .  The morning of, like she was telepathic, texted me a cancellation saying that after work it was just too much to head back into the city and that she just wasn’t up for it.  I respectfully let her know it was no problem at all and to take care.

Second dates should only happen if you had such an amazing first that you can’t wait for the second and can’t stop thinking about the person  – not out of boredom or “what if”.