Guest Post: How I was an asshole the day before Valentines

So I’ve been relationship single for about a year, had a bounce around but that went to the side. My bud tells me that maybe I should try Match or something, so WTH I ‘giver a shot.

Girl chats me up on there talking how she likes a lot of the stuff I do. Sleds, 4-wheelers etc.

She was pretty cute, my picture was on there too so she knew what I looked like and it was a recent pic. Anyways we agree to meet. I let her know I gotta wake up early to help on a friends farm in the morning and I will have some hydraulic rams for his skidder in the box of my truck.

I agree to take her out to a nice steak house in my area, I am talking $50 tenderloin place and $5 drinks. She knows the place and is all exited saying she went there when she was a kid and knows they have awesome steak and its been a long time, so in my head I am thinking this is gonna go good.

Well she rolls up in a brand new Buick or something all cleaned up and mind you its -20 outside. My PSD (power stroke diesel) is rattling away covered in road salt. So I am feeling like an ass already.

I jump out and say “You ready to get some steak?” She says yes and we start rolling out, its a good 30 minute drive but she starts giving me the clues right away “how shes tired” and “tomorrow is a busy day for her” then starts in with saying opposites of what she liked before……..

So at this time I am just like WTF am I taking this broad out for?  I turn the truck around and start heading back the way we came. I know the side roads so she asks “how far is this place away?” I think she was wondering WTF was going on but she wasn’t gonna say it.  I kept it calm and cool asking about her kid and all that, then about some local racing she liked to watch.

I come in through the backside of where I picked her up and she realizes that were back where I picked her up.

She asks “why are we back here?”
I tell her “since you keep saying how you’re tired and you got a big day tomorrow I think I am just gonna make sure you get the sleep you need and get a good start for tomorrow”.

She looks right at me, with some evil eyes and opens the door and gets out.

I leave and go to the steakhouse that I was gonna take her to.  Spent the money I was going to spend on her on Captain and Root beers.

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The Rebounder

Dating a rebounder

It’s fun when you’ve dated enough to know what’s going to happen, before it happens and when dealing with a rebounder it’s never going to end well.

We met on match – the dating site that automatically renewed me for 3 additional months, when I was planning on taking the summer off from this craziness.  I was free, until I saw my credit card bill.  Ugh.

It starts with a check-in every few days, then responding to messages – and before you know it, you are right back in online dating hell.

We began chatting and everything seemed ok, she was totally normal.  That all came crashing down though when her answer to my question of when her last relationship was came back as “4 months ago”.  Even that turned out to be exaggerated because she had just moved out of their place 2 months ago, where they had lived together for 7 years.

She assured me she was over him, but I am sorry – that is impossible.

I stayed in it because she kept on insisting on coming over to my place – but even I am not that crazy for a first date, so we met half way.  We met in the parking lot and on our way into the bar she put her arm around my waist.  I had known her 10 seconds.

There was also the previous texting, which was also a dead giveaway that I was dealing with a rebounder (in denial).

Rebounders are easy to spot because they are trying to pick-up right where they left off with their ex.  The good morning texts, the deep conversations and apparently the public displays of affection.

After we had a drink at the bar we decided to go for a walk along the waterfront – she was holding my hand within a few minutes.  Who in the hell holds hands on a first date?

There was also lots and lots of kissing – which I enjoyed, but I never truly committed any feelings for her because I knew of the impending collapse.  She had asked to come to my area so we made a date then and there for a few days later.  This was great for me, because it would mean lots of hot sweaty sex.  She texted me when she got home from the date, the next morning, afternoon and night.

However, the day before our date she had gone silent.  Her last message was something along the lines of “Heading back to work now, I’ll text you later xoxoxox”

The next day, nothing.

The day of I sent a simple text, fully knowing she had very likely gone rebounder awol.

“are you still coming?”

Now usually I would never send something like that, but I had another girl asking me if we could meet that night – a very hot girl, that wasn’t on the rebound – so I needed to know.

Nope, not even a response to that.

A day later her dating profile was deleted too.

I make this post for no other reason than to warn you out there – dating sites are clogged with rebounders doing nothing but wasting the time of people who are ready to date and find a relationship so always ask when their last relationship was.  If its been recent or if they have to keep bringing up their ex – they aren’t over them yet.  If they aren’t over them, they aren’t ready to date and its only a matter of time before they figure that out.

 

 

 

My First Online Date (2002) Part 2

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So where were we…

Oh yeah, in her bedroom and I left soon after.  If memory serves correct I think we met up in the city once or twice more, hung out at her place a couple more nights and then I screwed it all up.

I was to meet her at her place at 10pm and on my drive there I got a call from one of my good northern friends that a few of them were in the city at another friends place and to come over.  Which I did.  We ended up at a bar and we didn’t get back until 1:00 or 2:00am – I told her I was now on my way, and she basically told me to go f^ck myself.  Lol.

Now a little more back story on her, she dealt with depression and was bi-polar – so our little fight was a huge deal.  I remember going back onto the primitive chat site and she’d be on there posing as a guy, under fake names, being a weirdo.  She accused me of “holding a grudge” when we finally started chatting again.  Not long after this I “upgraded” my phone..

unlock-samsung-a520And it was an absolute nightmare to type on!  I also quit the factory job soon after and pretty much had no more need to chat with random strangers for hours on end anymore.  I did keep in touch with T though, she eventually went back to school, which I thought was amazing, but when I connected with her again in around 2004 she told me she “got depressed and dropped out”.

A few more years went by and I found her on Facebook around 2007.  I asked her how it was going, she said she was a happy “stay at home mom”.  I thought great!  But in our chats it was revealed that the home was her boyfriends moms basement somewhere in the middle of nowhere and that she wasn’t very happy at all.

She deleted her FB account not long after that and I can find no trace of her online anywhere.

So there you have it, my very first online date ever.

The End.

 

 

The Love It Or Hate It Dating Profile

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I am going to go ahead and state that this post pertains mainly to men, but it’ll also work for the ladies to filter out the guys that aren’t just sending you messages based on your pictures.  This is to help you benefit the most from people who actually read profiles, and I am going to say more women do this than men.

So on with  the love it or hate it dating profile.

A popular car designer came up with a theory around 10 years ago and it’s been in place ever since.  That theory was to design “love it or hate it” vehicles.  Bland gets overlooked, but if they are head over heels for the design they will buy it, and f%ck the haters – you can design something else for them.  Bland “don’t offend anyone” design was popular in the 80’s and 90’s when cars looked like boxes or blobs, but since around 2005 its been all about love it or hate it.

2004 Chrysler 300 - betcha don't remember it.

2004 Chrysler 300 – betcha don’t remember it.

You know this one though!  2005 Chrysler 300 and you either love it or hate it.

You know this one though! 2005 Chrysler 300 and you either love it or hate it.

That said…

Don’t be “vanilla” when creating your dating profile in an attempt to be liked by everyone that reads it.  Write out who you are, what you like and what you do not like in  a creative and positive way.  Yeah, this will turn some viewers away, but it’ll also pull in others and hopefully prompt them to send you a note.  Show who the real you is and try as hard as you can to be unique and real.

I put this into place 3 days ago and I haven’t just received messages, I’ve received notes from women that have their claws out.  I’ve seen this vigor before, but not this much this often.  Hell, I have a 39-year-old from Wisconsin (no clue how she even found me) ready to jump on a plane and 3 locals vying for position.

Try it.

#dontbebland

 

The Brunette Part 1

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I had a TV in front of me from my seating position, as did she from hers, we had been seated at a 4 seat table and rather than sit across from me, she sat beside me.  We were already one drink deep when out of the corner of my eye I caught something on the TV about 50 shades of grey – and it took 100% of her attention – “Sorry, wow, I just saw something about 50 shades” – I’d keep this in mind for later.

We met on Match, she checked all the boxes, slender but curvy, about 5’6″, very sexy, well-traveled, very accomplished, confident, no kids, senior manager, multiple houses – the whole bit.

From the second we locked eyes once entering the pub it was extremely intense and we never stopped talking.  I knew this was a good date – no matter how rare they are.

About 1.5 hours deep she got up to go to the washroom, and she strutted her ass so well that it caught the attention of an older married guy at the table beside us.  He gave me the look – the “I am saddened by how hot she is, and how into you she is, and I am sitting here with my wife, boring friends and kid that won’t sit still” look.

I fucking loved it.

She came back, I had already paid some time before, our drinks long finished but we just kept talking, then I had to call it a night.  We headed into the parking lot and I walked her to her car – then we hugged and began kissing – I put both of my arms around her lower back, sunk my right wrist in and pulled it in with my left, pulling her into me with force – we kissed more, and more – then we pulled away, me still holding her in and I told her “you look fucking amazing” she gasped and got weak in the knees, I held her up by her ass, we kissed some more – then she said “we have to do this again” and I agreed.

She just texted me this morning thanking me and saying she had a great time and we have set date #2 for next Friday, a late dinner…

 

Part 2 soon.

The Flaky Tester Part 2

30s dating

For part 1 click here

We met at  a place and time she chose – a requirement for the person that cancels two previous dates – set by the other person.

She was on time and was inside grabbing a seat when I sent her a text saying I was in the parking lot, parking.

She was certainly pretty, just like her pictures portrayed, but that 15lb warning was closer to 25, perhaps even 30 and she was fully covered up,  All black, black cardigan that made sure to cover the best part – her ass.  Why do girls do this?  This is like advertising a Lamborghini online – and then I get there and its covered in a tarp except for the headlights and a bit of the hood.  Let me see that body – it’s part of MY decision process and how enthusiastic I’ll be on the date!!

We start chatting and she is quite serious, a little naturally jaded, even mentions the 15lbs and then gets into all the things you aren’t supposed to do on a first date.  She brings up her ex.  Not only that, she asks me about mine – so now we’re both talking about our ex’s.  Then work, how bad her current work situation sucks, more negativity for the pile.

The negativity kept on rolling, how bad the health care system is, wait times, DRAMA! (She had “No drama here” on her profile)

She had a glass of wine, I had two pints of Stella.

We had some things in common no doubt, even after I pecked her on the cheek and hugged in the parking lot I even strongly considered contacting her again – but after waiting 3 days – no thanks.  All I can remember from our date was her negativity, and shady behavior before we even met.

Want to know the funniest part?  She told me she has a side hustle as a dating profile writer with lots of clients.

uh huh.

The Usual, Alright Date.

Oh really, wow, great.

Oh really, wow, great.

The alright date – you know the one, you meet, have a decent conversation over a couple of drinks, chat about your careers, life, family, whatever – then pay the bill, end with a short hug in the parking lot  and never see or attempt to see each other ever again.

*Note – If she’s hot, the guy will always go for the 2nd date, just as an attempt to hook-up, but 9 times out of 10 she felt the same (and isn’t looking for hook-ups) will send you a polite rejection note, which you will laugh off.   This part seems very unclear for “20’s daters” especially women, who are into the guy, get railed once or twice and then ghosted.  That’s why.  No fireworks went off for both parties.

Anyways….

These regular, vanilla, “dates” are what make up the bulk of any dating life.

I’ve been on six of them since Christmas.  No butterflies, no fireworks – just a friendly piece of time spent with a stranger (lets call it what it is).

These are the ones that piss off your friends, making them call you “picky” or that you are wasting your time online dating overall.   “Well you better pick one of them, you’re getting older” – thanks for the inspiration!

So keep that in mind if you are venturing into the land of online dating – some dates will be awesome, some will royally suck – but most will just be alright, with someone you’d end up as friends with under any other circumstance – but you aren’t looking for friends.

 

Busy, Flaky – Or Testing? **Updated

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Ahhhh – The things we all endure to pass the tests and let’s be honest – the barriers, put in place due to crazy ex’s from the pasts of our dates.  Usually.  Sometimes.  Most of the time – these are straight up tests.

What I am saying is for example, if her ex was a royal douche that flew off the handle when she didn’t reply to his texts within 5 minutes, and then you do the same – or even remind her of that behavior in the initial dating stages, such as not waiting for a reply and blowing up her phone instead – you’re done, son.  Stick a fork in it.

Say you pass the messaging and now she has accepted your offer to go on a date – and you reply with “I dunno where, you know any places?  What do you want to do?”

Game over for you, lazy ass.

Or one I read about recently – a guy sent a girl he’d been on ONE DATE with a text that read “thinking of you” and wondered why she ghosted his ass.

I write about this topic today because I have been playing a game of cat and mouse with a potential match and it’s really starting to get a little ridiculous.   She’s either extremely busy (high-end job, very possible), an aforementioned flake or what I am going with – she’s testing big time – and we haven’t even met!

This is a “list girl” and they are the cream of the crop from dating sites.

What is a list person, you ask?  Rather than making some forgettable dating profile and then aimlessly sending messages to randoms, you list out exactly what you are looking for in your profile description – and then wait for them to come to you.  This does require a different approach but can be extremely effective when done properly and I’ll explain the ins and outs another time.

Back to the list girl – she liked some of my pictures and made me a favorite.  9 times out of 10 this is someone who “thinks” they are a list person, but they are not.  This one, was bang on!   The next day I sent her a note and also liked her picture.  She was on everyday, and visited my profile daily – but took 3 days to respond initially and then another 24-48 hours to reply to the next couple messages, before asking if I’d like to chat on the phone.

If you read here much, you’ll know I hate the phone chat – in my opinion it does nothing but sap you of things to talk about in person, when, you know – it actually matters.  But I’ll do it if she insists as it could be a safety measure and I have no problem with that.  When she asked for the call I said sure, and gave her my number and told her I am around most evenings.

Again a couple of days go by and then one night I get a text just as I am heading to bed, asking how my day was or something.  I replied the next day and said I could give her a call that night (tonight) and she agreed right away – cool, or so I thought.

I call up and get the answering machine – to just hang up would be wrong – so I left a nice message, hey its me, I’ll be up for a while, call me etc.

Its been 3 hours – Nothing.

A newb to this online dating stuff will have no idea what I am talking about here, but veterans know exactly what’s up and how many tests I’ve passed just to be where I am.  I read a cool article the other day (go into your WP readers and just search “dating” there is some great stuff in there) about how a guy can get 100 “atta boy’s” from the girl he’s dating, but if he gets one “uh oh” it’s over. done. finished.

So keep that in mind – busy, flaky or testing – and always stay aware!  Especially with your list people – and about that, check out the post old single bitter drunk made on the subject here.

As for what will happen with this particular one here?  I’ll get a text from her tomorrow with some sort of excuse with an offer of her to call me later that evening, which she will do and I will make the date, and then post about it later.

Well, if my calculations are correct, anyway.

*Update – Within minutes of posting this, she sent me a note on the dating site (that’s odd when we’ve been texting), acknowledging that she missed my call, last minute family dinner, will text me tomorrow to set a time for a call.  I was close….

** Update #2 – She ended up calling me and we actually had a very nice hour long conversation, and I even told her why I don’t like the calls or texting before meeting.  She agreed, and had been burned before by it herself – but as I figured, it was a safety measure.   At the end of the  call I set a date  in the city on the following Tuesday night.  “yes, I’d like that, I’d like that very much” was her response.   The only odd thing during the call was when I told her one of my recent dates showed up 3 times bigger than her pictures portrayed – she goes “full disclosure, I’ve gained 15lbs since my pictures”.  Her pictures are all very hot, I don’t care about 15lbs – I told her I appreciated her telling me that, but it wasn’t necessary.

Then I get this the day we were supposed to meet the first time 

1st

I had been sick the week before, so I sympathized with her and agreed to meet Friday.

Today is Friday, this morning I get this

2nd

I really wanted to bail at this point, but now I want to know why she’s really been putting this off – during our texting I went on Match and noticed that she removed ALL of her previous pictures and has replaced them with ones where she still looks good, but not as good as before – could that be the reason, along with the 15lbs warning from before?  I tried to FB stalk her but I found nothing  – all I found was a LinkedIn head shot.   Anyways I am more or less into this just for research (and blogging) at this point.  I’ve agreed to meet her on Monday.  Any bets that she bails on that one too?

3rdFor part two – CLICK HERE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quit Treating Your Date Like She’s Already Your Girlfriend

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I recently read about a guy seeking “help” after his first date with a girl went completely sideways.  This moron, for lack of better term, took the girl to the mall and had 12 children each walk up to her and hand her a red rose – from him.

Yeah.

And he was wondering why she bolted to the hills and blocked his number.  And while this is clearly an extreme case of said epidemic, guys fall into this trap all too often.  Not just with actions either, it’s usually words that will cause the lady to run away – most times before even meeting.  Ever had a girl cancel your date 10 minutes before, because her brothers, best friends sisters rabbit got sick?

Then you have fallen into the trap – and its all you buddy.

To go on 1, 2 or 8 initial dates with someone new is really no different from when you met your best friend.  Did you tell them they were your best friend, buy them a gift and then blow up their phone all before they had a chance to get home right after you first met?  If you did then they aren’t your best friend – that person would have a restraining order on you.

Understand that women are emotional beings, while we idiots are visual.

Too deep?  Ok.

Women are crock pots, men are microwaves – make sense?  They need time for their feelings to develop.  This is where the old “wait 3 days until after the date to call her” came from in order to let her feelings develop.   The other benefit of this, is that all beings look back after time with less than perfect vision – tending to remember the good, and not the bad.  That’s where the “no contact rule” after a break up came from – and they both exist because they work. 

Thinking that you need to “do something” during these periods is to dig your own grave.  Why would a successful guy that has tons of options really care that much anyways?

Notice how the girls you don’t like chase you, but the ones you do like run away?  This is why – it’s because you are treating them differently.   The other example is men are like dogs and women are like cats – what does a cat do if you make sudden actions around them?  They run.  Now what does a cat do in which you ignore – it hops into your lap and starts to purr.

So meet to get to know her and have fun, ask questions, show interest, kiss her on the lips and then take a breather before running her off.

 

 

The Shape Shifter

30s dating

This was the first date back in action, we met on Match.  Her pics were good, she seemed really cool and after about a week of messaging we decided to meet up.

I drove over to her area on a Friday evening and awaited her arrival at the coffee joint.  This was actually the first time I’d arrived early and had to order for myself.  After about 10 minutes she showed – pretty face, but bigger hips and thighs than I had been expecting.  I like curves, but not chubby, pudgy, stocky, “a few extra pounds” or whatever else you might call it.  I am a slender guy myself, so this is just natural.  I am not looking to be like Kermit and Ms Piggy here either…

Anyways, I figured we’d have a coffee, probably grab a beer and that would be it.

We went to bar #1 which was way too loud and busy, so I asked if there were any around where we could play pool or video games.  There was, right across the street.

Drink, drinks…..more drinks

We’re making out in the middle of the semi-empty bar, like idiots.

I suggest going back to my car, we do.  More making out ensues, then we go into the back seat…no sex, but pretty much.  If you know what I mean.

Now I walk her back to her car “Are you going to at least ask me for my number” -oops, all the previous convo had been on the site alone.  So I do.

We text a few more times during the week and we decide to meet up again the next Friday.

I pull up to her place to pick her up, she invites me in, I go inside.

BAM!

Who the F&%^* is this???

She looked way bigger, shapeless, way less stylish, not sexy at all and overall just…. Tired.

I mentally check-out right then – but we still went on our planned dinner date, which was quick and filled with awkward silences.  We then stopped at a bar for beer – not even that helped.

Oddly enough I think our female waitress had even figured it out, because when my date went to the washroom I motioned her to bring me the bill and the debit machine.  She brought that thing over quicker than a lightning bolt and quickly entered everything, while constantly looking over at the washroom door – almost like I was going to pay and then try for a hasty escape!  Ha!

No, I am not that shallow.

Then as I pull up to her place she invites me in for a beer, followed with “but you don’t have to”

I go in and she gives me a beer, before she curled up on the couch, certainly expecting part 2 of what went down on the back seat of the car.

Me to myself: I can’t do this.

I briefly explain to her that I am tired and should just hit the road – and I did after extremely awkward small talk while putting on my shoes and jacket.

Haven’t heard from her since, I am sure she got the message.

On another note I have a half dozen others already lined up, so we should have some decent content coming up.

Enjoy!