A Male Bumble Review

Welcome to bumble

I know that I said I hated free dating apps and sites, but a few days ago I bit the bullet and downloaded Bumble.  I also had to make a dummy Facebook account because I tossed my original one into the trash 5 years ago.

For those that don’t know, its a swipe app and after you are matched, the woman has to reply first within 24hrs of matching, and we have to reply back within 24hrs or you lose your shot.

Observation #1 is that almost all of the girls on it are beautiful – my initial run through had me literally trying to find ones that weren’t right-swipe worthy, and it was hard.  But I digress, looks alone are great in your 20’s but I desire a wee bit more than that in my 30’s and unless they tell you about themselves in the short bio, you are left to go off nothing but looks, location, age and (optional) career + education.

How about height?  I am 6 foot and don’t want to swipe on anyone taller.

Religion? I love and celebrate Christmas and other Christian holidays and its an instant deal breaker if you don’t.

Body type?  Self explanatory.

The other issue here is the widely discussed algorithm they have in place for men.  When I first signed up and started swiping I got about 5 or 6 matches and was messaged by 3 ladies.  Pretty normal I thought, until later on I realized I had swiped hundreds of profiles and the matches all but stopped – and I wanted to know why so I did some digging.

Basically, new male members are sent to the bottom of the barrel and have to work their way up to be shown to the more popular members based on how many right swipes we get over time.  I assume the first batch of matches I got was a little taste of the top to convince me to not insta-delete the app out of frustration.  From my research other men experienced the same thing right after signing up.

Fair enough I thought, over a week or so I should have generated enough right swipes to be “in the show” but even this was flawed.  Apparently many men right swipe everyone which in-turn makes almost every right swipe for women a match which bogs down the entire system.  It could be weeks or months before a girl I right-swiped on today even comes across my profile.

I’ve also scrolled though at least 15 previous dates hanging out on here so this has been like a reunion, with a left swipe adios.

I am at 4 days in and I get 1, maybe 2 matches a day and I have pretty much stopped swiping so it can catch up.  Oh, I take it you have noticed the image up there – here’s another

It’s not just guys……

UPDATE: 4/15/17

I am now finally getting quality matches, I assume I qualified to Bumbles standards?  Women I match with tend to message within the hour or not at all.  I will updated later.

Final Update:

I didn’t like it, whenever I was messaging with a girl I could tell I was just one of many dudes she was juggling.  Lots of one word answers, not asking me questions on top of the aforementioned algorithm debacle makes me have to give this app two thumbs down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mrs Red Flag City

She had sent me a message on match but her profile only had one picture and it wasn’t of her – it was of an ocean.  I quickly told her I need to see what she looks like – she says she took them all down due to receiving “weird messages from men”.

That was the first red flag.

She uploads a blurry head shot, then a couple more showing her very nice body, I am game.  So we start chatting.  She had been through a (I assume rough) divorce 2-3 years prior and told me she had taken quite a bit of time to heal and get her mojo back, which is understandable.  We seem to gel pretty well, so I go for the date and she shoots me down!  She says she had her tonsils pulled 3 weeks ago and she’s still healing from that!

There’s the second red flag.

Our slew of messages has now deteriorated to maybe one a day as I have no idea what this chicks deal is, but she continues to send messages – now asking things you ask in person.  Personality types, what am I looking for, where do I see myself in 5 years type questions.  I send a sly answer and firmly ask again for the meet and she agrees.  I tell her I’ll find a nice spot at the half way point and she likes the idea.

I find a really nice, quiet cafe, booth style seating, nice ambiance – perfect for a first date, but remember what I am dealing with.

Yeah – she said that wasn’t going to work as she used to live in the area (big town with a population of 200,000) and she was fearful of running into someone she knows, and asks if I can pick another spot in the next town over.

3rd red flag, you’re outta here!

I told her this was never going to work, she had way too many rules and restrictions – among whatever the hell else was causing her to act like that.

Wanna know what she responded with?

“Nothing ventured nothing gained”

Someone needs to heed their own advice.

The end.

 

The Hot Pizza

hot-pizza-date

I believe this particular sassy brunette was all but finished with online dating, like most people are in the waning months of a dating site subscription left to linger.  She would take literal days to reply until finally offering me her number as she flat-out “never checked the dating app anymore.”

Been there.

From there we agreed on a pizza date at a place I had never been to before.  We met inside the place and she was well presented.  Perhaps her photos were 3-4 years old but nothing to complain about.  The only thing I can complain about was the pizza.  It was essentially hot sauce, cheese and honey – yes, honey.  Between burning my mouth and lips I also had sticky fingers.  I hate all 3.

From there we went to grab a drink at a really cool bar and we had a great conversation filled with laughs.  This wasn’t like a date, it was like a reunion with that friendly acquaintance that you only use to chat with in the high school smoking section and nowhere else.

Before parting ways we kissed and she said “let’s do this again soon!” and I agreed.

I even set the date for the following weekend, but I truthfully wasn’t really into it after a few days had gone by – while we indeed had a good time I don’t think enough was there to warrant the work involved with meeting again .  The morning of, like she was telepathic, texted me a cancellation saying that after work it was just too much to head back into the city and that she just wasn’t up for it.  I respectfully let her know it was no problem at all and to take care.

Second dates should only happen if you had such an amazing first that you can’t wait for the second and can’t stop thinking about the person  – not out of boredom or “what if”.

The Curvy Blonde

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We met for a coffee in her part of the city and while our conversation flowed nicely, I wasn’t sure if I was all that attracted to her.  After coffee we went to another spot for food before I dropped her off.  A few days later she called me and asked if I would like to see her again – I said sure and set a time that I would pick her up and we would drive around and find a spot to chill at.

The reason I was more or less open to a 2nd date with her was because she stayed all covered up during the 1st and I really had no idea of what type of body she had and I wanted to see the goods.

Date day arrives and I drive to pick her up, meeting her at her front door.  We drove to a busy part of the city, parked the car and walked until we found a weird little hipster paradise that managed to screw up simple bacon and eggs.  Highlight moment was when she managed to spray her entire front-side with hot sauce while trying to get it to come out of the bottle – it looked like a crime scene and smelled absolutely horrid.

After eating (and her cleaning herself up with 400 napkins and a few trips to the ladies room) we left to go for another walk but soon ended up back at her place.

We had tea and watched TV but she made it clear that her bedroom was strictly off limits!  We kissed and played around before I called it a day and went home – knowing I wouldn’t be seeing her again.  She had a very structured vibe about herself and a little controlling which I don’t like.

She texted a few times before I told her there just wasn’t enough chemistry – just not enough click.  She rebutted that clearly all I wanted was sex and I just deleted the message.  No, I don’t go out on two dates with you, pay for everything all in the weak attempt to “use you” for sex.  If I wanted that I would have met her again, but I am not here to waste anyones time, including my own.

 

 

The 28 Year Old

I usually don’t date women under the age of 30, I just tend to have more in common with the ones that have been on this planet for a similar amount of time as I.  However, exceptions can be made, and I did for this “waste no time” 28-year-old that reached out to me first.  She asked to meet after the second message and I was more than happy to oblige.  We exchanged numbers and all I sent was “see you there at 8pm on Thursday”.  She replied “see you soon”.

I met her in front of the coffee place (her idea).  She didn’t really look like her (vague) pictures, but close enough, and that seems to be the norm – and I get it.  She’s blonde, about 5’9″, in very nice shape, conservatively dressed, minimal – if any – makeup, she didn’t need it.

She jumped right into how she’s trying to start her own business, we get our teas and have a very nicely flowing conversation for about two hours, then she asked if I’d like to go for a walk – sure!

She’s Ukrainian born and lived most of her life in Italy but moved here in 2005 and plans to stay here forever, even though she does still bounce back and forth, getting in from Spain just two days before our date.  She asked me to walk her home and then I’d jump on the nearest subway and head back to my place.  Throughout the date she was dropping hints all over the place, like, “well you’ll have to show me how to do that”, “can you take me along next time?” – lots of things instigating future contact.  When we arrived at hers she says  “well maybe we can go skiing together, or jogging”

Skiing, WTF?  (Its Spring time)

I gave her the old “ass out” hug and went on my way.  She’s nice but I just wasn’t physically attracted to her, she came across like a business partner and not a love interest.  However, I am done with tossing potential friends aside after these dates.  I’ve mentioned before that I believe dating sites use an algorithm more or less to be friends than anything else (or worse, an algorithm designed to keep you paying and going on endless amounts of first dates, but that’s another post)  – and my gut tells me she’s on the same page.  I’ve learned from all this dating that 9 times out of 10 they feel the exact same way you do.

 

 

 

 

Don’t “Chemistry” Yourself Off A Cliff

dating chemistry

“So sorry, I didn’t feel any chemistry”

How many of you have heard (or said) that in the online dating world?

Now – did you say, or even know about chemistry when you fell for your high school sweetheart or other organic relationships?  I am going to assume no – you likely fell over a period of time and different emotions.  This may have taken days, weeks or months – not a few notes passed across the classroom (texts) and one juice together (wine/beer) in the cafeteria (bar).

See where I am going with this?

I get it – and have lived it, first date fireworks are fucking awesome – but my organic relationships  lasted longer than my online ones – where literal nukes went off on the first dates in the form of “chemistry”.

So that said, I just want to say, don’t have so many crazy expectations for a first date – what you really want is compatibility, likeability and attraction.  If those things are met, yes, meet up again.