Power Texting Before You Meet Is Bad

dont text before meeting for a date

Put the phone down – don’t do it!  You know exactly what I am talking about, you meet on a dating site and once one of your phone numbers are shared, the messaging moves to texting, and when that happens you are dead in the water.  This isn’t just a random rant of mine either, its becoming a fact due to multiple studies done by the dating sites themselves and surveyed active daters.  Google the subject and look at all the hits, texting excessively before meeting up is killing daters in their tracks.

I am bringing this up (again) because it happened to me again over the weekend.  Our dating site messages transferred over to texts and it wasn’t long before “Good morning”, “so bored at work right now”, “what are you having for lunch?, “what are you having for dinner?” “look at this picture of what I am doing, what are you doing?” – you get the idea – began.

On two separate occasions I put the phone down and went M.I.A around dinner time until the next day only to sense angst from her when we’d begin communicating again.  Both times I had to explain where the radio silence came from, and I lied about a friend coming over.

Regardless, the damage was already done, we had already discussed everything, she knew everything about me and was also likely weary about where I went those two nights – not the greatest platform to start out on.  I even told her I enjoyed chatting with her but there was still a gleaming chance we would not get along in person, and she took that as a warning, saying “oh god, I am going back to study your pictures” indicating that something MUST be physically wrong with me to say such a thing.  Yeah.

Not only that, I also committed another online dating sin with this date, I called her up during a flurry of texts and we talked on the phone for over 2 hours, further deepening the hole of having absolutely nothing to talk about in person.

And then we met..

I was happy with her looks but after she spent nearly 40 minutes picking out what drink she wanted, our conversation started to sputter and slow down (in between complaining about said drink).  We were reduced to tid bit add-ons about stuff we had already talked about and she came across as low energy and emotionless.  Even though her tone was the same in person as it was on the phone, did she not like me in person?  Highly likely, but if I had something to actually talk about, which had engaged her so much before, right now, I’d be in a far better position.

Oh yeah, I got drilled on where I had been the night before, right down to when I left and got home.

We left the first spot, went for a nice long walk and then stopped at another spot for another drink – after that she said it was nice meeting, thanked me for coming, I kissed her on the cheek and we parted.  I sent a text the next morning saying I had a good time and wished her luck on something she had to do that day, response “Thanks”.

And that text, which was number 1006 between us – all of which I deleted right there, knowing in my gut this one was over.

Dont text before meeting for a date, its lose-lose, if attracted to each other you’ll have nothing to talk about, and if you’re not attracted to each other you will be stunned when you lose your new (make believe) friend.  Keep it to a few quick notes about setting up your date together and leave it at that, otherwise you’re just digging a hole that’s nearly impossible to get out of.







The Build Up Date

texting before date

Usually after a bad date I just laugh it off but this one still has me a little uneasy.  This one clearly qualifies as one of the worst dates I’ve been on yet, simply because it involved one of the biggest dating no-no’s that there is.  And that was a lengthy build-up via text messages before actually meeting.

Allow me to explain..

She came from Match and was actually one of those profiles that pops up right after you have sent someone else a message

“If you like that one, you’ll like these profiles too”

She responded sometime later, we did the usual on-site back and forth before I moved it to texting to set up a date.

Simple, right?


She was also one that once a text was sent, you were stuck to your phone until she went to bed that night because she would respond within 30 seconds and continually ask more and more questions.  I even had to lie about “company arriving” while I was at my cottage just to end the text-madness from her so I could enjoy the peace and quiet.

A day or so after when we got into another text flurry I simply asked if she was free to talk on the phone – to which she said no.  She hated talking on the phone, but was free to text all night.

Why do you hate talking on the phone?  “After work I’d just rather text if that’s alright, I hope you don’t think I am a freak”


But she gradually got deeper and deeper with her conversation and I stupidly engaged.  Then she started calling me baby in nearly every message.  She told me how she was so delighted to meet me, how she didn’t think guys like I existed anymore and how she had told her sister and co-workers about me, even showing them my pictures.

She even asked me twice why I messaged her on the dating site in the first place?

Her pictures were hot, she was the right age, good job, car, sweet place – I didn’t see what the big deal was?  Yes I’d been out with hotter girls but that isn’t my priority – so I just told her what sounded good and we’d continue chatting away, via text messages.

Then came the date delays, which in total took 3 weeks to meet and the date being moved three times due to her silly work schedule – and continually she would text me all day and night, getting deeper as the days went on.  I even had to tell her “You know there is a chance this isn’t going to work in person after we meet” to which she agreed but now was in full on soul mate talk and the worst part was that I was starting to believe it and develop feelings for her.

I (actually we) anticipated the date and even counted down the hours.  I even arrived 45 minutes early so I’d be there first.

And she arrived.

I’ll say the bulk of her pictures were 5+ years old with one semi-recent picture that had been taken at a slick angle as to not show her true hip size, which was substantial.  From there we went into the coffee shop (where she actually paid for the drinks!) before we sat down to talk.  First thing, this girl was NOT who I thought I was chatting with over the previous two weeks and I am pretty sure I wasn’t the guy she thought she had been “talking” with either.

This was very awkward.

No more baby talk, no soul mate stuff – nothing.  Her texting vigor and openness had literally vanished and I was left with a bigger and older version of what I’d seen online – that talked about boring stuff.  In an attempt to rejuvenate things I suggested we go for a walk, which we did.

During texting the night before she told me how much she couldn’t wait to be hugged by me and that she would prefer some affection.  So during the walk I put my arm around her, and it was one of the most awkward things I’ve ever done.  I quickly pulled my arm back after a few seconds as it just felt so wrong and out of place.

We walked a few more blocks before turning back towards our cars, now I was pretty much just walking and not even saying anything – this date sucked.  We had originally planned on hitting a couple of bars and having drinks but in no way was that happening now, and this was also a Saturday – not a day I like to waste on shit like this.

Back at the cars she told me it was nice to meet me, “talk soon” (yeah, right) before I said goodbye and got out of there.

Never again will I knowingly enter myself into a build-up like that before a date again, what a let down.  It even stung as I hit delete on the 1000+ text messages from my phone.

Remember: Building expectations guarantees a bad first impression because they weren’t what you were expecting (and vice versa)