How To Online Date

how-to-online-date

Are you ready to take the online dating plunge, but aren’t quite sure of the in’s, out’s and what have you’s ?  Then take a read through my extremely detailed comprehensive list (sarcasm) that I’ve made up after going on 80+ online dates.

Know what you want

Generally by now you should have an idea of what you like in a partner.  Previous relationships have taught you what you like and dislike about potential partners so do your best to screen for this before meeting.  Take it from me, going on aimless and endless dates during the week gets old and tiring pretty quick.  Agreeing to meet someone just because they have nice pictures (we’ll get to pictures in a minute) is also a recipe for disaster if you have absolutely nothing else in relative common.  I’ve made posts before about writing down what you’d like in a partner, looks, interests, deal breakers etc.  This will save you time when online dating so you can meet up with only your best candidates.

Pictures are rarely accurate, accept it

bad-dating-profile-pictures-1

80/20 rule applies here – 80% of the time they’ll look a little worse and 20% of the time they’ll look a little better.  Often the variance isn’t big enough to sway your opinion but you will have people who blatantly lie.  I’ve met a couple 300+ pounders that I truly thought were less than half that based on their old or doctored pictures, so if you sense this ask for a body shot, if there is any sort of excuse just move on.  If all they have is head shots you can expect to be surprised upon meeting as well unless they have stated “big and beautiful” as their body type.  You’ve been warned.

bad-dating-profile-pictures-2

Free sites vs Paid sites

I don’t use any free sites, it’s too easy for anyone to sign up, especially women, and then bathe in the attention of receiving hundreds of messages every day all while falsely sending their standards into the stratosphere.

sorry-black-guys-only-whitre-men-can-handle-this

But alas, all paid sites aren’t created equally.  I’ve made reviews on eHarmony and Elite Singles, neither of which I recommend.  Also any newer app (bumble) is also going to be packed with fake profiles to trick you into signing up.  And ladies – a cheating man isn’t going to pay for a match subscription just to lead you on and get laid.

People on paid sites tend to take the process a lot more serious and if you are serious about meeting someone, you have to be on a paid site.

Beware the rebounders 

online-dating-rebounders

The #1 epidemic of dating and especially online dating is the vast pool of rebounders.  A rebounder is someone that’s fresh out of a long-term relationship that has no clue that they aren’t ready for a new relationship yet.

Rebounders love to lead you on right away, get serious way too quick and then vanish without a trace after realizing they need time to heal from their previous relationship.  They come on strong initially because you are simply their stand in replacement and then usually within a couple of weeks they go all Houdini and you’ll never hear from or see them again.

Rebounder red flags include bringing up their ex (even in passing) during pre-meet conversation or on the 1st date.  If an ex is ever mentioned, at all, they are not over them and you are on borrowed time.  Avoid them, let some other schmuck deal with them and get played.  Always ask when their last relationship was – if its anything less than a year be very wary.  If less than 6 months don’t even bother.  If they mention their ex – bail!  There are plenty of serious people in the dating pool, you only want to focus on them.

Do NOT text or communicate excessively before meeting!

texting-guy

This one is the most important rule of online dating.  All too often people fall into the trap of texting 24/7 for days/weeks before meeting.  All this does is make you fall for a figment of your imagination that will never materialize into the person you are meeting.  Ever.

The texting and communication, besides getting her warm enough to meet for a date means absolutely nothing until you meet face to face.

I don’t care if you have been chatting about your deepest secrets for months on end – it means nothing until you meet.

The texting is used for setting up the date and perhaps even saying “I am here” once you’ve arrived, that’s it.

 

Good luck!

I could keep on going but I will cut it short here.  Those are the basics to get you started in hopefully the least stressful and most enjoyable way you possibly can.  Good luck!

 

 

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The Bowling Date #2

bowling date 30s

Blog #21

This mid 30’s year old came from eHarmony and we went through the entire (silly) canned Q&A process together over the course of a couple of days.

She seemed pretty status quo but wasn’t from the city – she was from nearly 2 hours away in a small town which may as well have made her from Mars in comparison to the city girls I’d been dating thus far.

Post secondary education?  Nope.  Professional job?  Nada.  New car and a home owner?  Hell no.

She worked at a factory and drove a beater.

Now I am not against that, I was there myself in my 20’s along with the small town living so none of this was foreign or unacceptable to me.

However, she was a back burner broad at best but I wanted to get out of the city that weekend and she was close to friends and family of mine, so I figured I’d travel to see her, and then see family/friends afterwards.

Grammar was negligible at best too “What time do you work tell” (and it wasn’t auto correct)

The agreed date was to meet at a coffee shop, then go bowling.

We met on the sidewalk outside of the coffee pub and she was looking pretty good!  Long brunette hair and a nice jacket with designer jeans accentuating her body that had stayed in pretty good shape over the years.  Her looks were good – now about the other half…

Right from the get-go it was apparent she didn’t go on many dates, and was all too anxious to tell the world that she was on one right now.

Everyone in line at the coffee shop knew, the girl who took our order knew, the people sitting behind us knew – and so did her mother, father and friends.

Fine..

Then came conversation topics from her, and every single one of them would’ve been interesting to me – if I was still 19 years old.  She also dove in with both feet regarding her ex, his job, things they did and his mother.  It was pretty bad – I mean, why would any girl on a date even bring this stuff up?

I know she’s a dating newbie and all – but really?  I don’t f***ing care about your ex.  No date ever does, it’s the #1 thing you don’t talk about.

After steering the “conversation” back on track while slamming back my vanilla latte, I said “So where’s the bowling alley from here” and a few minutes later off we went.

The bowling part was alright but became a chore after the first two games and I basically wanted out, but would see the date through.

This is when some mixed messages came from her “I am so tired and have to be up at 5am”

I am thinking yup, of course you do – as I am taking off my bowling shoes.  Even before the start of this date I’d decided that I may try to get back to her place if it went well enough (*cough *cough – mutual physical attraction) which was there but after her 3-4 “hints” I didn’t even bother and I just took her back to her car.

As I pulled up behind her car I was basically expecting her to say a quick goodbye and bail – but she hung around and told me she had so much fun, thanked me for coming and suggested she come up to my area next time.

I told her yes she could do that, there was far more to do before I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek – as she giggled and got out of the car.

A couple of hours later I got a text from her again thanking me for taking her out.

This is one I’ll get down with physically, but nothing else, and at 36 I am sure she knows that too – but even that has a very slim chance of happening.

 

 Update: Received a “hey whats up” text from her just over a month after our date, I chatted with her but didn’t instigate anything, too many buns in the oven currently to care.